So the last four blogs I posted were written by someone else. This one, is written by me from my heart.
I have been going through some things here recently within myself as well as my spiritual self and due to that, this has been my last week as Children's Pastor at The Sanctuary. I have stepped off in faith leaving The Sanctuary because really, I didn't want to. I just know, I have no idea what I am going to do (start working harder on my Mary Kay business I assume) but I know I am on the brink of something from God.
Two weeks ago, the Lord led me to fast. I am still awaiting the benefits of that fast but I have realized somethings have got to change (within me) and I have got to get rid of some junk before God will ever fulfill what He told me.
One of the things I have a problem with is my mouth (like you didn't already know that). I back talk my parents and can be very hateful at times. I don't mean to be hateful, it just comes out that way. And I am a big procrastinator. I get in trouble for those two things the most; my mouth and my procrastination skills. I need you guys to really pray for me. I have had "mouth" issues and "procrastination" issues since I became a teenager. I think that comes with the domain, seriously. But other than that, I am a perfectly good kid. I don't cause my parents problems and I love God more than anything.
Another thing I have a problem with is self-confidence. Now I will admit, I am vain. I get that from one of my mom's brothers; he is extremely vain! And he admits it which is the best part. All I have been through as a preacher's kid has really hurt not only my trust levels but my self-confidence. When things happen with church people or in the church, it really brings the self-confidence levels down. In one of the "divine pause" blogs, Denise Hildreth quotes T.D. Jakes (and adds her own words at the end) as once saying, "For people with exceptional callings, everything in their lives will be exceptional. Including their storms and their victories (and their divine pauses)."
Just to get off subject (of self-confidence) right here, I feel like I have truly been in a "pause" in my life. I just resigned from a totally cool job; being a Childrens Pastor. I got to teach the kids dramas and dances whenever I wanted. Total dream come true. Just teaching drama and dances but no, God was telling me I was through there and so, I listened and resigned but now, I have no where to go. I plan to keep attending dads church on Sunday nights with the occasional Sunday morning here and there just to help them out but the state I am in (spiritually) right now, I need to go somewhere that I can be fed (not saying I cannot be fed at Harmony...it's just complicated. It's a 'PK' thing that my PK friends should understand). When referring to "divine pauses", Denise Hildreth says, "Heaven ordains 'divine pauses' in our life to rid us of our arrogance. To remind us our real calling. Greatness is found in serving. Because heaven knows that pride destroys..." In this pause, I have been having to rejoice in victory with my friends (while awaiting my victory). Friends getting engaged, friends finding out they are pregnant, friends living their dreams. The "divine pause" blogs even talk about that but I am not going to continue quoting those blogs (even though I will continue talking about them because they have changed me). Where was I before I got off on "divine pause"?
Self-confidence! God allows us to go through storms (and/or pauses) to knock us down but it seems like some people never go through anything and they are so annoyingly (is that a word?) arrogant and prideful but one day, they will get the jack-down from God himself. Or even people who seem to go through stuff all the time and are still so arrogant. God is going to get across one day. Then you have people like me. We are going through something all the time and it seems like God is never going to let His glory shine through but oh how wrong we are when we think that! God and His amazing self are going to get all the glory one day! We may sit in a "pause" for years...just like Joseph...but when that pause is over and we are living our dreams, what a day that will be! Okay, that had NOTHING to do with the self-confidence but I really felt the Lord leading me to write that. I don't even know how to get back to self-confidence. Oh how I hate to be like my dad when he preaches and gets off the subject. LOL!
Self-confidence. Okay, let's try this again. I finally realized to make it where God wants me to make it, I need some self-confidence about myself. My friend Nicole (who I wrote about a few blogs back) needed some book help and I helped her out which meant reading her book. I read it in about two hours (grand total) and I was totally blown away. The last couple of chapters hit me upside the head with this whole self-confidence thing. As I was getting ready for bed that night, I was talking to God about how I wanted help with self-confidence in every area of my life. The way I present myself, when I talk to people, when I minister, EVERY area. I also wanted the confidence to be who I wanted to be; the person I know I am supposed to be. When I got all comfy in bed, I got a text message (from Tuesdai) that said, "You can't go wrong by being true to yourself. The real you, not the you everyone else wants you to be. That's where the good stuff begins." I was dumbfounded. I could not believe I had just recieved that text message. It kinda told me something, you know? It wasn't the first time Tuesdai had done that either. A couple of weeks ago I was going through some stuff and she sent me a text about Jesus being my Jehovah Nissi. I love when God does that. Just a while ago she sent me a text that told me to check out Proverbs 16:9 so I pulled out my Bible and checked it out. "In their hearts human beings plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps."
Is there anybody out there that gets tired of other men and women of God telling you how great the things are that God has for you and Him not actually showing/telling you?
I think once people get these sorts of things taken care of in their lives (mouth, procrasination, pride, ect.) God will begin showing you the stuff you need to know. Until then, enjoy the words God sends you in the other ways. Just remember, He is always there and He is always talking to you but sometimes, you don't hear Him.
I don't know...this is just some things that have been on my heart over the past couple of weeks. This blog may only help me but that's okay.
Much love and many blessings!!! Amber =)
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Divine Pause - Part 4
This is the last post on "Divine Pause". I hope it has touched you the way it did me the first time I read it all. Be sure to check out Denise Hildreth's blogspot often. She posts new blogs every week and they are all amazing!!!
"In our final moments with Joseph we left him in his seemingly "forgotten" place. Yet no one is ever truly forgotten. God's eyes are always upon us. But yet for two years, the butler didn't remember Joseph. Not until Pharoah had a dream. It was then that Joseph was remembered. And Joseph is released to interpret Pharoah's dream. Isn't it interesting how Joseph's life revolves around dreams. It was a dream that got him in this predicament in the first place. It was a dream that had him hoping to be released. And it is a dream that finally frees him. My, how powerful are our dreams.
So in he goes to Pharaoh to interpret his dream. I can't help but wonder if this isn't often the final and hardest test. Interpreting Pharoah's dream, all the while still having one he has yet to see fulfilled. Ever had to rejoice in someones victory when you're still waiting for your own? Ever watched someone else get a miracle in their marriage, while you're desperately holding on to the belief of your own. Ever watched someone get an advancement when you were the one that should have been advanced years ago.
What would have happened if Joseph would have walked into Pharoah's throne room and said, "You've got to be kidding me. I'm not interpreting squat! I've been waiting on my own dreams to be fulfilled. I've been meeting other people's needs for years when it's suppose to be other people serving me and I ain't interpreting anything else for anybody! (Let's pretend he's from southern Egypt.) The last time I did that I sat in a cell for two more years! Interpret your own dream Mr. Fancy Pants!"
Well, because we started with the end of the story we know what would have happened. If Joseph had not humbly gone before Pharaoh, interpreted that dream with no knowledge of whether it would have had any consequence to him or not, but simply because he was asked to, then he would have had his butt sent right back to the jail cell, his family would have all died, and he would have probably had his head on a platter by evening.
How many dreams have been thwarted in that final place of obedience? How many dreams have died because we simply weren't willing to obey heaven's final request. Instead we thought it was our time and we didn't want any part in being a part of someone else's dream? Because it was about our dream. I can only imagine what the refuse piles look like. Trust me, I know my own.
But Joseph doesn't do this. And in this act of obedience it ends up becoming the catalyst to the fulfillment of the dream God had given him. The pause button on Joseph's life was released. And in releasing that button, not only was Egypt delivered from a famine, but Joseph's father and his brothers, the very ones whose act seemingly got him here are delivered as well.
God knows what needs to be accomplished in us for the releasing of our pause button. How do I know? Because remember where we started? This was God's plan. God had brought Joseph to this place, not his brother's. Their act may have accomplished it but God was the designer. Why? Because God knows what produces greatness. He knows what is ultimately needed in us to bring greatness from us. And I believe that very often the greatness of the dream will coincide with the length of the pause. If Joseph had been called to be Pharoah himself, I have a good idea the pause button might have stayed pressed a little longer. I heard T.D. Jakes say once, "For people with exceptional callings, everything in their lives will be exceptional. Including their storms as well as their victories." May I add, "and their divine pauses."
May I share one final thing? Years later when Joseph's sons were born he named one of them Ephraim. Names were very important back then. Each one had a clear meaning. And Ephraim meant, "God has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction." Joseph got it. He got the fact that in his "divine pause" heaven was growing something in him. That this pause had been about something more than just a dream. It had been about the making of a man. A man who was fruitful. A man who could look in the face of his affliction and see something of value, something worth learning, something worth becoming and then become it. Every lesson in the pause Joseph got. Every place he was called to walk he walked, with obedience and grace. And in the end God knew Joseph could be trusted with the dream.
I know pauses aren't fun. Downright frustrating at times. But I've also learned that they are one of God's best opportunities to grow greatness inside of us. Here's to the divine pauses of our lives. May we live them well. And when the pause is released, may we be ready.
These final words are taken from an interview with Tony Snow back in July of 07 when he was still Press Secretary at the White House. I felt they summed up our journey perfectly. "We want lives of simple, predictable ease—smooth, even trails as far as the eye can see—but God likes to go off-road. He provokes us with twists and turns. He places us in predicaments that seem to defy our endurance and comprehension—and yet don't. By his love and grace, we persevere. The challenges that make our hearts leap and stomachs churn invariably strengthen our faith and grant measures of wisdom and joy we would not experience otherwise.""
Amazing isn't it. How God truly does allow EVERYTHING to happen for a reason.
My favorite thing she says is - "Ever had to rejoice in someones victory when you're still waiting for your own?...Ever watched someone get an advancement when you were the one that should have been advanced years ago." It's true. The beginning there, "Ever had to rejoice in someones victory when you're still waiting for your own?" is where I seem to stay. One day, my victory is going to come, hallelujah (and yes, I have the faith)!! I love God and the way He works (even if I do gripe about it sometimes).
"...in the end God knew Joseph could be trusted with the dream." - somebody told me that the other day, that God trusted me and that's why my life goes the way it does. Wow, to know I could be fourty before the dream actually is fulfilled is downright frustrating but hey, all in His plan! I can't do anything about it.
God bless and much, much love!!!
Amber =)
"In our final moments with Joseph we left him in his seemingly "forgotten" place. Yet no one is ever truly forgotten. God's eyes are always upon us. But yet for two years, the butler didn't remember Joseph. Not until Pharoah had a dream. It was then that Joseph was remembered. And Joseph is released to interpret Pharoah's dream. Isn't it interesting how Joseph's life revolves around dreams. It was a dream that got him in this predicament in the first place. It was a dream that had him hoping to be released. And it is a dream that finally frees him. My, how powerful are our dreams.
So in he goes to Pharaoh to interpret his dream. I can't help but wonder if this isn't often the final and hardest test. Interpreting Pharoah's dream, all the while still having one he has yet to see fulfilled. Ever had to rejoice in someones victory when you're still waiting for your own? Ever watched someone else get a miracle in their marriage, while you're desperately holding on to the belief of your own. Ever watched someone get an advancement when you were the one that should have been advanced years ago.
What would have happened if Joseph would have walked into Pharoah's throne room and said, "You've got to be kidding me. I'm not interpreting squat! I've been waiting on my own dreams to be fulfilled. I've been meeting other people's needs for years when it's suppose to be other people serving me and I ain't interpreting anything else for anybody! (Let's pretend he's from southern Egypt.) The last time I did that I sat in a cell for two more years! Interpret your own dream Mr. Fancy Pants!"
Well, because we started with the end of the story we know what would have happened. If Joseph had not humbly gone before Pharaoh, interpreted that dream with no knowledge of whether it would have had any consequence to him or not, but simply because he was asked to, then he would have had his butt sent right back to the jail cell, his family would have all died, and he would have probably had his head on a platter by evening.
How many dreams have been thwarted in that final place of obedience? How many dreams have died because we simply weren't willing to obey heaven's final request. Instead we thought it was our time and we didn't want any part in being a part of someone else's dream? Because it was about our dream. I can only imagine what the refuse piles look like. Trust me, I know my own.
But Joseph doesn't do this. And in this act of obedience it ends up becoming the catalyst to the fulfillment of the dream God had given him. The pause button on Joseph's life was released. And in releasing that button, not only was Egypt delivered from a famine, but Joseph's father and his brothers, the very ones whose act seemingly got him here are delivered as well.
God knows what needs to be accomplished in us for the releasing of our pause button. How do I know? Because remember where we started? This was God's plan. God had brought Joseph to this place, not his brother's. Their act may have accomplished it but God was the designer. Why? Because God knows what produces greatness. He knows what is ultimately needed in us to bring greatness from us. And I believe that very often the greatness of the dream will coincide with the length of the pause. If Joseph had been called to be Pharoah himself, I have a good idea the pause button might have stayed pressed a little longer. I heard T.D. Jakes say once, "For people with exceptional callings, everything in their lives will be exceptional. Including their storms as well as their victories." May I add, "and their divine pauses."
May I share one final thing? Years later when Joseph's sons were born he named one of them Ephraim. Names were very important back then. Each one had a clear meaning. And Ephraim meant, "God has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction." Joseph got it. He got the fact that in his "divine pause" heaven was growing something in him. That this pause had been about something more than just a dream. It had been about the making of a man. A man who was fruitful. A man who could look in the face of his affliction and see something of value, something worth learning, something worth becoming and then become it. Every lesson in the pause Joseph got. Every place he was called to walk he walked, with obedience and grace. And in the end God knew Joseph could be trusted with the dream.
I know pauses aren't fun. Downright frustrating at times. But I've also learned that they are one of God's best opportunities to grow greatness inside of us. Here's to the divine pauses of our lives. May we live them well. And when the pause is released, may we be ready.
These final words are taken from an interview with Tony Snow back in July of 07 when he was still Press Secretary at the White House. I felt they summed up our journey perfectly. "We want lives of simple, predictable ease—smooth, even trails as far as the eye can see—but God likes to go off-road. He provokes us with twists and turns. He places us in predicaments that seem to defy our endurance and comprehension—and yet don't. By his love and grace, we persevere. The challenges that make our hearts leap and stomachs churn invariably strengthen our faith and grant measures of wisdom and joy we would not experience otherwise.""
Amazing isn't it. How God truly does allow EVERYTHING to happen for a reason.
My favorite thing she says is - "Ever had to rejoice in someones victory when you're still waiting for your own?...Ever watched someone get an advancement when you were the one that should have been advanced years ago." It's true. The beginning there, "Ever had to rejoice in someones victory when you're still waiting for your own?" is where I seem to stay. One day, my victory is going to come, hallelujah (and yes, I have the faith)!! I love God and the way He works (even if I do gripe about it sometimes).
"...in the end God knew Joseph could be trusted with the dream." - somebody told me that the other day, that God trusted me and that's why my life goes the way it does. Wow, to know I could be fourty before the dream actually is fulfilled is downright frustrating but hey, all in His plan! I can't do anything about it.
God bless and much, much love!!!
Amber =)
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Divine Pause - Part 3
So, are you liking this? I am loving this! I love this blog series; seriously!
"This week we find Joseph in prison. As if the poor fella hadn't had it bad enough, now "Miss Polly Potiphar's", as I heard Pastor Jentzen Franklin call her one time, accusation has landed Joseph in prison. Apparently, Potiphar had chosen to believe his wife above Joseph. After all, Joseph was still a servant and she was probably still his bed partner. Not a hard choice. And now Joseph finds himself in possibly one of the worst places a life could be. Not just in prison. But in prison and innocent. Is there much worse?
But once again, whether servant or prisoner, Joseph is faithful where he is planted. And once again his faithfulness takes him to the top of the food chain even in the prison. We're told that "the warden of the prison committed to Joseph's care all the prisoners who were in the prison, and whatsoever was done there, he was in charge of it. The prison warden paid no attention to anything that was in Joseph's charge, for the Lord was with him and made whatever he did to prosper."
So here Joseph is directing the prison yard games, settling the disputes over who gets the best cell. And then two powerful prisoners come in. The head honcho, Pharoah's, butler and baker. Not sure what they did to mess their lives up so bad, some burnt toast, some wrinkled sheets. But whatever they did there they were. Prison. And who is in charge of them? Joseph. Remember, not a person came in there that Joseph wasn't in charge of.
One particular night the butler and baker both had dreams. When Joseph came to check on them that next morning he could tell they were both in distress. He asked both of them what was wrong. And they both told him they had dreams. He asked them, "Do not interpretations belong to God? Tell me your dreams." And they did. And Joseph interpreted them both. The butler got the better end of the stick. His dream confirmed he would be restored to his position in three days. The baker. Well, not so lucky. In three days, well let's just say, he would have made his last bundt cake. (Sorry-Can't say bundt cake without thinking of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding.")
When Joseph had interpreted the butler's dream he asked him, or begged him, "think of me when it shall be well with you, and show kindness...mention me to Pharoah and get me out of this house, for truly I was carried away from the land of the Hebrews by unlawful force; and here too I have done nothing for which they should put me into the dungeon."
The butler gets his job back. Joseph however he forgets. For two more years, Joseph is forgotten...
Man, what truths to ponder here...
The first one that comes at us is the fact that he's there at all. The fact that a lie, finds Joseph in a prison. Ever had a lie stick you in prison? Ever had a lie told to you, told about you, that has brought you to a prison? I see people in prison from lies all the time. Most of their jail cells however are still lived walking around freely, yet there souls sit imprisoned to a lie. The lie that they'd never amount to anything. The lie that they could never be restored. The lie that they could never forgive. The lie that they could never be forgiven. The lie that shame would always be their cloak. The lie that their dream was too big, their talents too limited, their abilities too small.
And with that lie, whether spoken over you when you were a child, believed when you were a teenager, or bought into when you were an adult, it has left your very soul imprisoned. It has claimed you.
What makes Joseph different? What is worked out of him during this pause? Joseph's body is imprisoned but his soul is free. Still free to serve. Still free to notice other's pain even during his own. Still free to speak life. Still free to help others people reach their dreams. Still free. Completely confined and totally free! How beautiful is that picture? It could be ours. See, Joseph had a choice on the very day he arrived. Curse his circumstances or trust his God. He chose the latter. And it made all the difference. The choices we make remember, will determine our destiny.
And because Joseph continued to believe, God blessed him. He showed him mercy and loving kindness and gave him favor.
What else do we see in Joseph? I mentioned it a few moments ago. I'm still amazed at the fact that he noticed the sad state of the butler and the baker. How do you notice the pain of other's when your crushed beneath the weight of your own? How do you even care that someone else is suffering, when you are suffering so much? But Joseph did. He saw it. And then he ministered to it.
Can we? In the middle of our prison moments are we willing to serve another in their's? Are we willing to get our eyes off of ourselves long enough to minister to the needs of someone else's pain? It is amazing how quickly the environment of our circumstances can change when we aren't wallowing in them. It is amazing how beautifully God can move when our eyes are looking upward instead of inward and we can actually watch Him in the process.
And finally, Joseph asks to be remembered. This scene grips me in my deepest place. I can hear the anguish that is still in his voice. He even shares his innocence. And he begs to be remembered. But he isn't. He is instead forgotten. And not just for a couple days, a couple weeks or a couple months. No, Joseph is forgotten for two years.
Ever felt forgotten? Ever thought finally your chance had come and yet nothing happens? No phone call. No text message. No e-mail. Nothing. Forgotten. What do we do in the forgotten place? Even after we've asked to be remembered? What do we do with that?
I would have expected some bar shaking, some foot stomping, some dish throwing. But we get nothing. Between Genesis 40 and 41 we get not one word from Joseph. So, what can we conclude? We can conclude that Joseph had developed one very valuable thing during this season of his pause. He had become a man of exceptional faith.
Faith is refined during pause seasons. Faith is put into action by noticing the details. I believe faith was able to be activated at that seemingly "forgotten" place in Joseph's life, because he was able to see God in every place of His life where God had already moved. He saw Him in the fact that his brother's sold him and didn't kill him. He saw God in the fact that of all the men that could have purchased him, Potiphar was the one who had. He saw Him in the fact that he had found such amazing favor with Potiphar and how God had blessed the man's entire house. And he had even seen God's favor in the prison cell. And because of all the things Joseph had noticed he had the faith to know God was still in this prison cell with him.
The reason most of us have trouble cultivating real faith in God is because our attention is so self-focused that we are paying no attention to what God is doing in our lives. We're focused on the "main" thing and God is focusing on all the things that lead up to the "main" thing. Or our eyes are so focused on our problem we're not even looking for the places where God is moving. We're too focused on where we think He should be moving.
Remember when we started this series together I told you that I thought the pause might be about to be released on my life. Well, not today. In fact, even though this won't post until Tuesday I'm writing it on Sunday. I just received an e-mail stating that I was still on pause. My first reaction, pain in the gut, burning in my chest, sweating of the eyes. My second reaction, I got up and went to my usual God and me meeting place. We meet in a little path I've carved out that runs through my dining room, down the hall and through the foyer. I walk and He and I talk.
I told Him I was frustrated. He listened quietly. I told Him all the reasons why the things that had been suggested might not work, how even if I did all of them, if I jumped through all the hoops it still might not be the right hoop. He was still listening. And that's when I began to remember. "You know, what you did for me Thursday night is still amazing. Once again you've proven to take care of every detail of my life. I'm sure you will take care of this one." See, Thursday night at an early birthday celebration, I received a gift that let me know once more how every detail of my life matters to Him. And I know He will lead this part of my life as well. John's letter to the church of Philadelphia in Revelations tells me that God is "He who has the key of David, Who opens and no one shall shut, Who shuts and no one shall open." All the doors of my life are in his control.
"Be still and know." He whispered. He's been whispering this to me a lot.
"I know...I know...Thank you that I can come to you with everything that touches my life." I told Him. "You are the first place I want to be."
He knows that. This pause season has created that. If it's done nothing else, it has brought me to the knowledge that there is no one I'd rather talk to first than Him. Why? Because I've seen Him in the details and my, my has He been so kind. But I chose to see Him. I chose to see what He was doing. No matter where I found myself, jail cell, ministering to another's need, serving, forgotten, I knew I was never completely forgotten. That "nothing could ever separate me from the love that is in Christ Jesus." He has cultivated my faith in hard ways through these last fifteen years of my life. But it is that faith that today assures me I am not forgotten.
Do you know what I honestly believe? I think Joseph probably had a little talk with God after the next sun rose and there was no key jingling inside the door of his cell. I have a feeling it was probably a pretty candid conversation. And I believe that the Lord whispered to his heart, "Be Still and Know, Joseph. Just be still and know." I also believe that Joseph's faith muscles were so great at that point that he could have ripped those bars open as if he were the Hulk. But do you know what, he showed the greater faith. The greater faith that says, "I'd rather be in a jail cell with you, then a free man without you." Sometimes the best place for any of us is the jail cell, is the "divine pause." Because that is where God is.
'I don't have that kind of faith.' Oh, yes you do. We have each been given a "measure of faith." I honestly believe that measure is the same. Unless we're talking about the "gift of faith". What grows faith however is living a life that chooses to see God. That removes our eyes from ourselves and focus' our eyes on what God is doing in our lives. Trust me, God has been moving in your life. Look for Him. And when you begin to see Him, then trust that if the pause is where He has us for this season, then the pause is the best place in the world we can be..."
Please leave comments and let me know that you guys are actually reading this!!!
Much love and blessings!! Amber =)
"This week we find Joseph in prison. As if the poor fella hadn't had it bad enough, now "Miss Polly Potiphar's", as I heard Pastor Jentzen Franklin call her one time, accusation has landed Joseph in prison. Apparently, Potiphar had chosen to believe his wife above Joseph. After all, Joseph was still a servant and she was probably still his bed partner. Not a hard choice. And now Joseph finds himself in possibly one of the worst places a life could be. Not just in prison. But in prison and innocent. Is there much worse?
But once again, whether servant or prisoner, Joseph is faithful where he is planted. And once again his faithfulness takes him to the top of the food chain even in the prison. We're told that "the warden of the prison committed to Joseph's care all the prisoners who were in the prison, and whatsoever was done there, he was in charge of it. The prison warden paid no attention to anything that was in Joseph's charge, for the Lord was with him and made whatever he did to prosper."
So here Joseph is directing the prison yard games, settling the disputes over who gets the best cell. And then two powerful prisoners come in. The head honcho, Pharoah's, butler and baker. Not sure what they did to mess their lives up so bad, some burnt toast, some wrinkled sheets. But whatever they did there they were. Prison. And who is in charge of them? Joseph. Remember, not a person came in there that Joseph wasn't in charge of.
One particular night the butler and baker both had dreams. When Joseph came to check on them that next morning he could tell they were both in distress. He asked both of them what was wrong. And they both told him they had dreams. He asked them, "Do not interpretations belong to God? Tell me your dreams." And they did. And Joseph interpreted them both. The butler got the better end of the stick. His dream confirmed he would be restored to his position in three days. The baker. Well, not so lucky. In three days, well let's just say, he would have made his last bundt cake. (Sorry-Can't say bundt cake without thinking of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding.")
When Joseph had interpreted the butler's dream he asked him, or begged him, "think of me when it shall be well with you, and show kindness...mention me to Pharoah and get me out of this house, for truly I was carried away from the land of the Hebrews by unlawful force; and here too I have done nothing for which they should put me into the dungeon."
The butler gets his job back. Joseph however he forgets. For two more years, Joseph is forgotten...
Man, what truths to ponder here...
The first one that comes at us is the fact that he's there at all. The fact that a lie, finds Joseph in a prison. Ever had a lie stick you in prison? Ever had a lie told to you, told about you, that has brought you to a prison? I see people in prison from lies all the time. Most of their jail cells however are still lived walking around freely, yet there souls sit imprisoned to a lie. The lie that they'd never amount to anything. The lie that they could never be restored. The lie that they could never forgive. The lie that they could never be forgiven. The lie that shame would always be their cloak. The lie that their dream was too big, their talents too limited, their abilities too small.
And with that lie, whether spoken over you when you were a child, believed when you were a teenager, or bought into when you were an adult, it has left your very soul imprisoned. It has claimed you.
What makes Joseph different? What is worked out of him during this pause? Joseph's body is imprisoned but his soul is free. Still free to serve. Still free to notice other's pain even during his own. Still free to speak life. Still free to help others people reach their dreams. Still free. Completely confined and totally free! How beautiful is that picture? It could be ours. See, Joseph had a choice on the very day he arrived. Curse his circumstances or trust his God. He chose the latter. And it made all the difference. The choices we make remember, will determine our destiny.
And because Joseph continued to believe, God blessed him. He showed him mercy and loving kindness and gave him favor.
What else do we see in Joseph? I mentioned it a few moments ago. I'm still amazed at the fact that he noticed the sad state of the butler and the baker. How do you notice the pain of other's when your crushed beneath the weight of your own? How do you even care that someone else is suffering, when you are suffering so much? But Joseph did. He saw it. And then he ministered to it.
Can we? In the middle of our prison moments are we willing to serve another in their's? Are we willing to get our eyes off of ourselves long enough to minister to the needs of someone else's pain? It is amazing how quickly the environment of our circumstances can change when we aren't wallowing in them. It is amazing how beautifully God can move when our eyes are looking upward instead of inward and we can actually watch Him in the process.
And finally, Joseph asks to be remembered. This scene grips me in my deepest place. I can hear the anguish that is still in his voice. He even shares his innocence. And he begs to be remembered. But he isn't. He is instead forgotten. And not just for a couple days, a couple weeks or a couple months. No, Joseph is forgotten for two years.
Ever felt forgotten? Ever thought finally your chance had come and yet nothing happens? No phone call. No text message. No e-mail. Nothing. Forgotten. What do we do in the forgotten place? Even after we've asked to be remembered? What do we do with that?
I would have expected some bar shaking, some foot stomping, some dish throwing. But we get nothing. Between Genesis 40 and 41 we get not one word from Joseph. So, what can we conclude? We can conclude that Joseph had developed one very valuable thing during this season of his pause. He had become a man of exceptional faith.
Faith is refined during pause seasons. Faith is put into action by noticing the details. I believe faith was able to be activated at that seemingly "forgotten" place in Joseph's life, because he was able to see God in every place of His life where God had already moved. He saw Him in the fact that his brother's sold him and didn't kill him. He saw God in the fact that of all the men that could have purchased him, Potiphar was the one who had. He saw Him in the fact that he had found such amazing favor with Potiphar and how God had blessed the man's entire house. And he had even seen God's favor in the prison cell. And because of all the things Joseph had noticed he had the faith to know God was still in this prison cell with him.
The reason most of us have trouble cultivating real faith in God is because our attention is so self-focused that we are paying no attention to what God is doing in our lives. We're focused on the "main" thing and God is focusing on all the things that lead up to the "main" thing. Or our eyes are so focused on our problem we're not even looking for the places where God is moving. We're too focused on where we think He should be moving.
Remember when we started this series together I told you that I thought the pause might be about to be released on my life. Well, not today. In fact, even though this won't post until Tuesday I'm writing it on Sunday. I just received an e-mail stating that I was still on pause. My first reaction, pain in the gut, burning in my chest, sweating of the eyes. My second reaction, I got up and went to my usual God and me meeting place. We meet in a little path I've carved out that runs through my dining room, down the hall and through the foyer. I walk and He and I talk.
I told Him I was frustrated. He listened quietly. I told Him all the reasons why the things that had been suggested might not work, how even if I did all of them, if I jumped through all the hoops it still might not be the right hoop. He was still listening. And that's when I began to remember. "You know, what you did for me Thursday night is still amazing. Once again you've proven to take care of every detail of my life. I'm sure you will take care of this one." See, Thursday night at an early birthday celebration, I received a gift that let me know once more how every detail of my life matters to Him. And I know He will lead this part of my life as well. John's letter to the church of Philadelphia in Revelations tells me that God is "He who has the key of David, Who opens and no one shall shut, Who shuts and no one shall open." All the doors of my life are in his control.
"Be still and know." He whispered. He's been whispering this to me a lot.
"I know...I know...Thank you that I can come to you with everything that touches my life." I told Him. "You are the first place I want to be."
He knows that. This pause season has created that. If it's done nothing else, it has brought me to the knowledge that there is no one I'd rather talk to first than Him. Why? Because I've seen Him in the details and my, my has He been so kind. But I chose to see Him. I chose to see what He was doing. No matter where I found myself, jail cell, ministering to another's need, serving, forgotten, I knew I was never completely forgotten. That "nothing could ever separate me from the love that is in Christ Jesus." He has cultivated my faith in hard ways through these last fifteen years of my life. But it is that faith that today assures me I am not forgotten.
Do you know what I honestly believe? I think Joseph probably had a little talk with God after the next sun rose and there was no key jingling inside the door of his cell. I have a feeling it was probably a pretty candid conversation. And I believe that the Lord whispered to his heart, "Be Still and Know, Joseph. Just be still and know." I also believe that Joseph's faith muscles were so great at that point that he could have ripped those bars open as if he were the Hulk. But do you know what, he showed the greater faith. The greater faith that says, "I'd rather be in a jail cell with you, then a free man without you." Sometimes the best place for any of us is the jail cell, is the "divine pause." Because that is where God is.
'I don't have that kind of faith.' Oh, yes you do. We have each been given a "measure of faith." I honestly believe that measure is the same. Unless we're talking about the "gift of faith". What grows faith however is living a life that chooses to see God. That removes our eyes from ourselves and focus' our eyes on what God is doing in our lives. Trust me, God has been moving in your life. Look for Him. And when you begin to see Him, then trust that if the pause is where He has us for this season, then the pause is the best place in the world we can be..."
Please leave comments and let me know that you guys are actually reading this!!!
Much love and blessings!! Amber =)
Friday, July 25, 2008
Divine Pause - Part 2
Okay. Here is part two of Divine Pause! I hope everyone enjoyed the first one from yesterday. Denise Hildreth and her writings have totally changed the way I think about some things.
"Last weeks lesson taught me a lot and really made me conscious of the places I've been called to serve and the new opportunities that I'm given each day to serve. I'm looking forward to what I get to take away from today too.
When we left Joseph he was serving Potiphar. He had been so faithful in that place of serving that he was promoted to the head of all Potiphar had. And everything Potiphar had was blessed because of Joseph. I mean everything, his house, and everything that was in his field. We're then told that he was an attractive person and fine looking. My generation would just say Joseph was "fine."
And that's where the next challenge for Joseph arrives. It comes packaged in a dress, high heels and oh, did I forget to mention, she's the bosses wife. Not a real good scenario. We're told that she doesn't just approach him a couple times tossing her womanly wiles at him. No, we're told that she comes to him day after day asking him to go to bed with her. The first time he comes he refuses her but also tells her "See here, with me in the house my master has concern about nothing, he has put all that he has in my care. He is not greater in this house than I am; nor has he kept anything from me except you, for you are his wife. How then can I do this great evil and sin against God?"
But that refusal wasn't enough for the shameless and persistent hussy. She daily was a perpetual attack on his purity. And then she finally saw an even greater opportunity. The house was completely empty. I'm sure with the amount of servants they had that was a rare moment. So, she seized it. When she thought no one was looking and Joseph came into the house to serve her husband the way he always had, she grabbed his coat. And asked him again, adamantly, "Sleep with me." This time he didn't even offer her words, he ran leaving his coat and everything. He didn't pat her hand and say, "Be a nice girl and go back to your husband." He didn't take her in his arms and say, "We really shouldn't be doing this." No, smart boy high-tailed it and took off!
My, my...what lessons to learn...what an example he has given us to follow.
God's "holy pause" will test our integrity. Sometimes in the area of purity, sometimes in the area of finances, sometimes in the area of honesty. But it will be tested. Why? Because how many casualties have we seen of Christian leaders who get to the top of their callings and their integrity destroys them when they get there. Heaven doesn't want casualties on the battlefield of integrity. So, he pauses us. He pauses us in the place between dream and fulfillment and tests our integrity.
Now God doesn't tempt us. We're told in the Bible that "He Himself tempts no one." But, right before that passage of scripture we're told, "Blessed, happy, to be envied is the man who is patient under trial and stands up under temptation, for when he has stood the test and been approved he will receive [the victor's] crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him." We're also told "be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience." He wasn't the spirit behind the bosses wife seduction. But He does allow the trying and testing of our faith. King David said in the psalms, "For You, O God, have proved us; You have tried us as silver is tried, refined and purified."
Some of us today might be standing in the place of real temptation. Maybe it's a physical temptation. Maybe a tempting of our purity. Maybe the man in the cubicle next door, or the woman in the house down the street pays far more attention to your needs then the spouse at home. Maybe what you do in secret when no one is looking you think doesn't matter, because well no one is looking.
Maybe your tempted in an area of integrity, integrity with your money, integrity at your job, integrity with your honesty. And each time we give into that temptation, thinking it's no big deal, the government doesn't know, our spouse won't ever find out, our employer won't ever know what we're doing, we're missing what Joseph got. Joseph didn't look at Ms. Floozy Potiphar and say "I can't do this to your husband." He saw something much bigger. He said, "I can't sin this way against God." Granted our failings in our area of purity leave a wake and hurt people who love and trusted us and have consequences of their own. Sometimes heartbreaking, life altering, family destroying, job losing, jail making, friend losing consequences. But deeper consequence than all of that is the chasm it places between us and heaven. Because the last place we want to be when impurity has been allowed to live actively in our lives and hearts is in the presence of a Holy God. And that is what the tempter of our soul is truly after. The devil of this world, and yes there is a real one, could care less if our family is torn apart. He could care less if our children have to be shuffled between one home and another. He could care less if you lose your job, land in jail or lose every friend you have in this world, what he is ultimately after is the chasm between our heart and God's.
The testing of our purity, of our integrity, is a place where God is desiring to create the character in us needed to fulfill the calling in us. If you've failed in that area, stop. Run. Flee. If you have to move to another department at work, quit your job, move to a new neighborhood, if you have to come clean in order to be free, do what you need to do. But stop. Did you know that there is not one temptation that you and I face that "is beyond human resistance and that is not adjusted and adapted and belonging to human experience. But God is faithful and He will not let you be tempted and tried and assayed beyond your ability and strength of resistance and power to endure, but He will always provide a way out-that means of escape to a landing place-that you may be capable and strong and powerful patiently to bear up under it."
I wish I could tell us one day there will be no more temptation. Resist it enough and we'll never be tempted with anything again. But this side of heaven that just isn't true. Because the enemy of our soul won't quit tempting us even when we get to the place where the dream we've been given is fulfilled. But if we fail when we get to that place the casualty count is much greater. That is why God allows the temptation during the pause. Because when we get to the place where the dream we've been given is fulfilled, God wants our integrity to be able to keep us there."
I love this passage from the Bible that she uses, "Blessed, happy, to be envied is the man who is patient under trial and stands up under temptation, for when he has stood the test and been approved he will receive [the victor's] crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him." - I SOOOO LOVE ITTT!!!!!
Much love and God bless!!! Amber =)
P.S. I have a family reunion tomorrow (oh joy!) so if I don't get part 3 posted tomorrow, it will be Sunday or Monday.
"Last weeks lesson taught me a lot and really made me conscious of the places I've been called to serve and the new opportunities that I'm given each day to serve. I'm looking forward to what I get to take away from today too.
When we left Joseph he was serving Potiphar. He had been so faithful in that place of serving that he was promoted to the head of all Potiphar had. And everything Potiphar had was blessed because of Joseph. I mean everything, his house, and everything that was in his field. We're then told that he was an attractive person and fine looking. My generation would just say Joseph was "fine."
And that's where the next challenge for Joseph arrives. It comes packaged in a dress, high heels and oh, did I forget to mention, she's the bosses wife. Not a real good scenario. We're told that she doesn't just approach him a couple times tossing her womanly wiles at him. No, we're told that she comes to him day after day asking him to go to bed with her. The first time he comes he refuses her but also tells her "See here, with me in the house my master has concern about nothing, he has put all that he has in my care. He is not greater in this house than I am; nor has he kept anything from me except you, for you are his wife. How then can I do this great evil and sin against God?"
But that refusal wasn't enough for the shameless and persistent hussy. She daily was a perpetual attack on his purity. And then she finally saw an even greater opportunity. The house was completely empty. I'm sure with the amount of servants they had that was a rare moment. So, she seized it. When she thought no one was looking and Joseph came into the house to serve her husband the way he always had, she grabbed his coat. And asked him again, adamantly, "Sleep with me." This time he didn't even offer her words, he ran leaving his coat and everything. He didn't pat her hand and say, "Be a nice girl and go back to your husband." He didn't take her in his arms and say, "We really shouldn't be doing this." No, smart boy high-tailed it and took off!
My, my...what lessons to learn...what an example he has given us to follow.
God's "holy pause" will test our integrity. Sometimes in the area of purity, sometimes in the area of finances, sometimes in the area of honesty. But it will be tested. Why? Because how many casualties have we seen of Christian leaders who get to the top of their callings and their integrity destroys them when they get there. Heaven doesn't want casualties on the battlefield of integrity. So, he pauses us. He pauses us in the place between dream and fulfillment and tests our integrity.
Now God doesn't tempt us. We're told in the Bible that "He Himself tempts no one." But, right before that passage of scripture we're told, "Blessed, happy, to be envied is the man who is patient under trial and stands up under temptation, for when he has stood the test and been approved he will receive [the victor's] crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him." We're also told "be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience." He wasn't the spirit behind the bosses wife seduction. But He does allow the trying and testing of our faith. King David said in the psalms, "For You, O God, have proved us; You have tried us as silver is tried, refined and purified."
Some of us today might be standing in the place of real temptation. Maybe it's a physical temptation. Maybe a tempting of our purity. Maybe the man in the cubicle next door, or the woman in the house down the street pays far more attention to your needs then the spouse at home. Maybe what you do in secret when no one is looking you think doesn't matter, because well no one is looking.
Maybe your tempted in an area of integrity, integrity with your money, integrity at your job, integrity with your honesty. And each time we give into that temptation, thinking it's no big deal, the government doesn't know, our spouse won't ever find out, our employer won't ever know what we're doing, we're missing what Joseph got. Joseph didn't look at Ms. Floozy Potiphar and say "I can't do this to your husband." He saw something much bigger. He said, "I can't sin this way against God." Granted our failings in our area of purity leave a wake and hurt people who love and trusted us and have consequences of their own. Sometimes heartbreaking, life altering, family destroying, job losing, jail making, friend losing consequences. But deeper consequence than all of that is the chasm it places between us and heaven. Because the last place we want to be when impurity has been allowed to live actively in our lives and hearts is in the presence of a Holy God. And that is what the tempter of our soul is truly after. The devil of this world, and yes there is a real one, could care less if our family is torn apart. He could care less if our children have to be shuffled between one home and another. He could care less if you lose your job, land in jail or lose every friend you have in this world, what he is ultimately after is the chasm between our heart and God's.
The testing of our purity, of our integrity, is a place where God is desiring to create the character in us needed to fulfill the calling in us. If you've failed in that area, stop. Run. Flee. If you have to move to another department at work, quit your job, move to a new neighborhood, if you have to come clean in order to be free, do what you need to do. But stop. Did you know that there is not one temptation that you and I face that "is beyond human resistance and that is not adjusted and adapted and belonging to human experience. But God is faithful and He will not let you be tempted and tried and assayed beyond your ability and strength of resistance and power to endure, but He will always provide a way out-that means of escape to a landing place-that you may be capable and strong and powerful patiently to bear up under it."
I wish I could tell us one day there will be no more temptation. Resist it enough and we'll never be tempted with anything again. But this side of heaven that just isn't true. Because the enemy of our soul won't quit tempting us even when we get to the place where the dream we've been given is fulfilled. But if we fail when we get to that place the casualty count is much greater. That is why God allows the temptation during the pause. Because when we get to the place where the dream we've been given is fulfilled, God wants our integrity to be able to keep us there."
I love this passage from the Bible that she uses, "Blessed, happy, to be envied is the man who is patient under trial and stands up under temptation, for when he has stood the test and been approved he will receive [the victor's] crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him." - I SOOOO LOVE ITTT!!!!!
Much love and God bless!!! Amber =)
P.S. I have a family reunion tomorrow (oh joy!) so if I don't get part 3 posted tomorrow, it will be Sunday or Monday.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Divine Pause - Part 1
Denise Hildreth (one of my new favorite authors) has a blogspot (www.denisehildreth.blogspot.com - check it out) and over the past month she has been posting a blog series entitled "The Divine Pause" and it has totally touched me and in some ways, hit me upside the head so I just had to post it. I am going to post it over the next couple of days because it was a month long series so enjoy and please keep coming back to read it!!
Please remember, this is coming from Denise Hildreth, not Amber Smith and when it gets to it, NO! Donny Osmond was NOT my childhood sweetheart. That is all - enjoy!
"I almost posted this post this past week, but felt like I needed to "pause". I thought it was too long. More like a message I would teach instead of a blog. In fact, through some interesting and divinely appointed circumstances I did end up teaching it this past Sunday, but as I reflected on it, I still thought it was something to share here. However, since it's so long, I'm thinking we'll make it the blog for the month of June. Kind of like walking a journey together this month.
The thought came the week before last when I was talking with my dad. I had just gotten off the phone with a conversation that could possibly open up a door I've waited for years to open. As we were talking I began recounting quite a few things through my life I've been required to wait on. I said, "It's like I've spent years with the pause button pressed on my life." I wish I could tell you that those years of waiting have been peaceful little siestas by the seashore. But if I'm being honest they felt more like maniacal monsoons. Some of these years of pause have been filled with frustration, tears, questions and quiet a few doubts. But they've also been filled with a lot of opportunity for growth.
Pauses do that you know. If we allow them too. When I think of a "divine pause" I can't help but think of the life of Joseph in the Bible. Don't know if you know him or not. He was a daddy's boy. His brother's couldn't stand him because his dad didn't have enough wisdom to not show his favoritism. His father even had a multi-color coat made for him. Can't say that didn't attract a little bit of attention in a time period where I'm sure neutrals were much more of the fashion statement. If any of you have ever seen Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat that starred my childhood sweetheart Donny Osmond, even though he didn't know he was my sweetheart, then you know what kind of coat I'm talking about.
As if the coat wasn't bad enough to make his brothers despise him, Joseph then has a dream. A dream that has his brother's bowing down to him. Want to know how well that went over? They sold his behind. Yep. But he was lucky. Their first plan was to kill him. Fortunately for him they were more greedy than they were angry.
Now, knowing those two things can we look at the end of the story first. And trust me, as a writer, I never read the ending first. I honestly didn't even know people did that. Until one day a friend of mine told me how she always flipped to the back of the book and read the last page. I was mortified! I said, "You what! Please don't do that when you're reading Flies on the Butter." She promised me she wouldn't, but I'll have to take her word for it.
So, breaking my own rule, can we look at the end of Joseph's story first? At the end we find Joseph, standing as the right hand man to the biggest guy in Egypt. You could say he is now like the Vice President. And what's happening? He's living out his dream. His brothers are bowing down to him. Except they don't have a clue this here boy is their brother. But when they do....Oh, my word...when they do can you imagine the fear? These boys were shaking in their sandals. And Joseph says something very powerful to them. He says, "Don't be afraid. Don't be disheartened or lose your hope. Don't be angry either, because you sold me here. Because what has actually happened is God sent me ahead of you to save your very lives.
"What?! Where is Joseph's rage? Where is Joseph's getting even? Where is his moment of just dessert?
I think I know. It's in the last line. He knew this was a God pause. He knew something they didn't and had been through things they'd never understand. And because he had lived all of these years in a "divine pause" all of the things that would have created that kind of reaction no longer dwelt inside of him.
What had really happened? Joseph had come to realize that sometimes in life heaven presses the pause button. Why? Because the pause button is God's way of saying, "Okay now, I've got to make you the man or woman you need to be in order to handle where I'm taking you."
Ever had a dream? Ever had something you felt you were called to do, and no matter how desperately you try to reach for it, life just seemed to move on with no sign of what you thought you were called to do coming to fruition? Maybe you wanted to be a husband or a wife, and yet you find yourself in the land of perpetual singleness. Maybe you've had the dream of becoming a parent and yet the little magic stick with its single pink dash screams "Not now!" Maybe you have a dream for a marriage that is more magic than mess. Maybe you have a song in your heart, or a book in your head, or a mission in your soul. And you know it's something divine that heaven placed inside of you, yet instead of doors swinging open, it seems instead that storm after storm keeps blowing through, feeling as if you're getting father away from the dream instead of closer to it.
I know. Trust me, I know. Joseph knows too. A lot happened from the moment that his brothers sold him to the moment they bowed down to him. He is sold by his brothers to a band of Ishmaelites who in turn sale him to a man named Potiphar. Potiphar is an officer of Pharoah. And it is there that Joseph becomes a servant. I mean, here is a boy who was the cream of his daddy's crop. Here is a fella with a dream that his brothers are going to be bowing down to him and instead he's the one doing the bowing. He's taking care of someone else's life. Getting their coffee. Scheduling their appointments.
The boy who trotted around in his multi-colored coat and arrogantly told his brothers of his dream is now being dealt with in a "divine pause". And heaven is telling him in order to be great, you must learn to serve. Because serving is a prerequisite of greatness. "The one who is the chief and leader is the one who serves." Jesus himself said "I came not to be served but to serve." Serving rids us of our pride. And "pride cometh before a fall."
Heaven ordains "divine pauses" in our life to rid us of our arrogance. To remind us of our real calling. Greatness is found in serving. Because heaven knows that pride destroys many a great leader. And in return kills many a dream.
Pride's a hard one. It's behind most of the emotions we feel. Anger-"Who do they think they are treating me this way?" Bitterness-"I deserve to hold this grudge." Self-pity- "Doesn't anyone know what is happening to me?" It rears its ugly head at drive-thru windows and checkout lines. It roars to life behind the wheel of the car and often in our deepest moment of crisis and betrayal. And so the pause presses us. Sometimes heaven even pushes on the very button of our pride in order to make us aware of all the places it hides and resides. Because heaven knows better than anyone else how destructive pride is. Think about it, had there been no pride then you and I would not live today in a world filled with both good and evil. It was pride that created its very existence.
I've discovered in the season of my pause that there is a great relief in knowing that sometimes God loves us enough to pause us. And when I know that heaven is the source of my pause, it makes its stay a privilege. I'm not saying pauses aren't difficult. What I'm saying is that when you know there is a divine purpose behind it, we can appreciate, even embrace the changes it will grow in us.
In this our first post on the "divine pause", may we reflect at length on the area of our pride and the depths of our service. There are different kinds of serving. Sometimes we serve in the areas of our calling, in our home as a spouse or parent, in our jobs and ministries. But there are also other kinds of servings, the mission trips, the orphanage visits, the medical relief. And sometimes we serve in other ways. We buy groceries for a friend. We take a meal to someone with a new baby, or to a friend who is too sick to make dinner for themselves. We bring a couple neighborhood girls into our home and teach them about being young ladies and making right choices. We mow someone's lawn when we notice they're not able to get it done.
Serving has many different faces. The one face it doesn't own is pride. Unless of course, we're serving to be seen. But true service spits in the face of pride. If this is a pause season of your life, like it is mine, may we learn to be true servants. Seeing the need and then meeting it. May we realize that there are some pauses in life that God himself ordains. And when he pauses us it is for reasons bigger than ourselves. Greatness begins with serving. Who knows, maybe when we learn this one well, heaven will release its pause."
I hope everyone enjoyed this first post here as much as I did. I cannot wait to get the others posted on here. "Heaven ordains "divine pauses" in our life to rid us of our arrogance. To remind us of our real calling. Greatness is found in serving. Because heaven knows that pride destroys many a great leader. And in return kills many a dream." That has to be my favorite part of the whole blog. Well, everybody knows I love the whole blog or else I wouldn't have posted it but that is the part that really caught me.
Until next time, many blessings and much love!!! Amber =)
Please remember, this is coming from Denise Hildreth, not Amber Smith and when it gets to it, NO! Donny Osmond was NOT my childhood sweetheart. That is all - enjoy!
"I almost posted this post this past week, but felt like I needed to "pause". I thought it was too long. More like a message I would teach instead of a blog. In fact, through some interesting and divinely appointed circumstances I did end up teaching it this past Sunday, but as I reflected on it, I still thought it was something to share here. However, since it's so long, I'm thinking we'll make it the blog for the month of June. Kind of like walking a journey together this month.
The thought came the week before last when I was talking with my dad. I had just gotten off the phone with a conversation that could possibly open up a door I've waited for years to open. As we were talking I began recounting quite a few things through my life I've been required to wait on. I said, "It's like I've spent years with the pause button pressed on my life." I wish I could tell you that those years of waiting have been peaceful little siestas by the seashore. But if I'm being honest they felt more like maniacal monsoons. Some of these years of pause have been filled with frustration, tears, questions and quiet a few doubts. But they've also been filled with a lot of opportunity for growth.
Pauses do that you know. If we allow them too. When I think of a "divine pause" I can't help but think of the life of Joseph in the Bible. Don't know if you know him or not. He was a daddy's boy. His brother's couldn't stand him because his dad didn't have enough wisdom to not show his favoritism. His father even had a multi-color coat made for him. Can't say that didn't attract a little bit of attention in a time period where I'm sure neutrals were much more of the fashion statement. If any of you have ever seen Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat that starred my childhood sweetheart Donny Osmond, even though he didn't know he was my sweetheart, then you know what kind of coat I'm talking about.
As if the coat wasn't bad enough to make his brothers despise him, Joseph then has a dream. A dream that has his brother's bowing down to him. Want to know how well that went over? They sold his behind. Yep. But he was lucky. Their first plan was to kill him. Fortunately for him they were more greedy than they were angry.
Now, knowing those two things can we look at the end of the story first. And trust me, as a writer, I never read the ending first. I honestly didn't even know people did that. Until one day a friend of mine told me how she always flipped to the back of the book and read the last page. I was mortified! I said, "You what! Please don't do that when you're reading Flies on the Butter." She promised me she wouldn't, but I'll have to take her word for it.
So, breaking my own rule, can we look at the end of Joseph's story first? At the end we find Joseph, standing as the right hand man to the biggest guy in Egypt. You could say he is now like the Vice President. And what's happening? He's living out his dream. His brothers are bowing down to him. Except they don't have a clue this here boy is their brother. But when they do....Oh, my word...when they do can you imagine the fear? These boys were shaking in their sandals. And Joseph says something very powerful to them. He says, "Don't be afraid. Don't be disheartened or lose your hope. Don't be angry either, because you sold me here. Because what has actually happened is God sent me ahead of you to save your very lives.
"What?! Where is Joseph's rage? Where is Joseph's getting even? Where is his moment of just dessert?
I think I know. It's in the last line. He knew this was a God pause. He knew something they didn't and had been through things they'd never understand. And because he had lived all of these years in a "divine pause" all of the things that would have created that kind of reaction no longer dwelt inside of him.
What had really happened? Joseph had come to realize that sometimes in life heaven presses the pause button. Why? Because the pause button is God's way of saying, "Okay now, I've got to make you the man or woman you need to be in order to handle where I'm taking you."
Ever had a dream? Ever had something you felt you were called to do, and no matter how desperately you try to reach for it, life just seemed to move on with no sign of what you thought you were called to do coming to fruition? Maybe you wanted to be a husband or a wife, and yet you find yourself in the land of perpetual singleness. Maybe you've had the dream of becoming a parent and yet the little magic stick with its single pink dash screams "Not now!" Maybe you have a dream for a marriage that is more magic than mess. Maybe you have a song in your heart, or a book in your head, or a mission in your soul. And you know it's something divine that heaven placed inside of you, yet instead of doors swinging open, it seems instead that storm after storm keeps blowing through, feeling as if you're getting father away from the dream instead of closer to it.
I know. Trust me, I know. Joseph knows too. A lot happened from the moment that his brothers sold him to the moment they bowed down to him. He is sold by his brothers to a band of Ishmaelites who in turn sale him to a man named Potiphar. Potiphar is an officer of Pharoah. And it is there that Joseph becomes a servant. I mean, here is a boy who was the cream of his daddy's crop. Here is a fella with a dream that his brothers are going to be bowing down to him and instead he's the one doing the bowing. He's taking care of someone else's life. Getting their coffee. Scheduling their appointments.
The boy who trotted around in his multi-colored coat and arrogantly told his brothers of his dream is now being dealt with in a "divine pause". And heaven is telling him in order to be great, you must learn to serve. Because serving is a prerequisite of greatness. "The one who is the chief and leader is the one who serves." Jesus himself said "I came not to be served but to serve." Serving rids us of our pride. And "pride cometh before a fall."
Heaven ordains "divine pauses" in our life to rid us of our arrogance. To remind us of our real calling. Greatness is found in serving. Because heaven knows that pride destroys many a great leader. And in return kills many a dream.
Pride's a hard one. It's behind most of the emotions we feel. Anger-"Who do they think they are treating me this way?" Bitterness-"I deserve to hold this grudge." Self-pity- "Doesn't anyone know what is happening to me?" It rears its ugly head at drive-thru windows and checkout lines. It roars to life behind the wheel of the car and often in our deepest moment of crisis and betrayal. And so the pause presses us. Sometimes heaven even pushes on the very button of our pride in order to make us aware of all the places it hides and resides. Because heaven knows better than anyone else how destructive pride is. Think about it, had there been no pride then you and I would not live today in a world filled with both good and evil. It was pride that created its very existence.
I've discovered in the season of my pause that there is a great relief in knowing that sometimes God loves us enough to pause us. And when I know that heaven is the source of my pause, it makes its stay a privilege. I'm not saying pauses aren't difficult. What I'm saying is that when you know there is a divine purpose behind it, we can appreciate, even embrace the changes it will grow in us.
In this our first post on the "divine pause", may we reflect at length on the area of our pride and the depths of our service. There are different kinds of serving. Sometimes we serve in the areas of our calling, in our home as a spouse or parent, in our jobs and ministries. But there are also other kinds of servings, the mission trips, the orphanage visits, the medical relief. And sometimes we serve in other ways. We buy groceries for a friend. We take a meal to someone with a new baby, or to a friend who is too sick to make dinner for themselves. We bring a couple neighborhood girls into our home and teach them about being young ladies and making right choices. We mow someone's lawn when we notice they're not able to get it done.
Serving has many different faces. The one face it doesn't own is pride. Unless of course, we're serving to be seen. But true service spits in the face of pride. If this is a pause season of your life, like it is mine, may we learn to be true servants. Seeing the need and then meeting it. May we realize that there are some pauses in life that God himself ordains. And when he pauses us it is for reasons bigger than ourselves. Greatness begins with serving. Who knows, maybe when we learn this one well, heaven will release its pause."
I hope everyone enjoyed this first post here as much as I did. I cannot wait to get the others posted on here. "Heaven ordains "divine pauses" in our life to rid us of our arrogance. To remind us of our real calling. Greatness is found in serving. Because heaven knows that pride destroys many a great leader. And in return kills many a dream." That has to be my favorite part of the whole blog. Well, everybody knows I love the whole blog or else I wouldn't have posted it but that is the part that really caught me.
Until next time, many blessings and much love!!! Amber =)
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Independence Day
I never really sat down and actually put thought into what Independence Day was all about. Of course I am a History nerd and know the history of Independence Day but still, I never really thought about it. I also never really thought about the real meaning behind war. The war on terror. The war we are in right now.
Sunday morning, Pastor Lonnie told me to let the kids stay out in service because we were having our special Independence Day service. Brandon and I went out and sat towards the middle of the church - the first time ever we haven't sat on the front row - and I am so glad we did. It would've been a lot more emotional for me if I had been closer but anyway, there is no point to that.
Brother Mike Powell is a Sargent in the army and he brought the word to us Sunday morning and it was a great word. It was kind of like a History lesson therefore, I loved it! He told about all the wars the United States has ever been involved in and gave the number of deaths in each war. I can't remember all of those numbers, even though I am sure I could go find my 9th grade History book somewhere and tell everyone but, I don't want to!!! LoL! Anyway...
...Brother Mike showed a slideshow of pictures he had taken while he was on duty over in Iraq back in 2004. It was very emotional for me, to see those pictures of all of those guys over there. When Jeremy told that Brother Mike (who is his father-in-law) might be having to go back over seas soon, it really hit me. Bam! I am going to know someone over there, fighting. Fighting for my freedom here.
Then that's when reality hit me upside the head. There are thousands of men and women over in Iraq, Afganistan, Iran and other countries that are fighting for MY freedom all the way across the pond here in the States. WOW! Thousands and thousands of men and women, who have NO IDEA who Amber Smith is are fighting for her (my) freedom. They are risking their lives, they could be killed, because they want to keep our freedom here. Do people really realize that? I mean, come on, I am eightteen-years-old and it took me seven years to realize what all of those people are actually doing over there. Wow.
They are some brave people, I know I could never do that. I know, that sounds bad, me being a Christian and all but I could never fight for millions of people I did not know, and possibly loosing my life for them.
Now giving my life for the people I love, the people I am closest to is different but MILLIONS of people I do not know...I know for a FACT I could not do that.
It really blows my mind how our soldiers can do it. They are fighting for me to be able to get in my car and drive to church (25 minutes away) every Sunday morning and every Wednesday night. They are fighting for me to be able to buy my Denise Hildreth books and Jonathan Pierce CDs on eBay or Amazon or wherever I buy them. They are fighting for me to be able to pray and read my Bible every day. I mean, wow! Have you really thought about it?
I think I am done rambling about this, I was going to write about it yesterday but Brandon's grandmother passed away (cancer) and we a lot going on trying to get stuff ready for the church to fix food and all. Her memorial service is tomorrow, here at the church and I can tell you, it's going to be tough. Maw-Maw was just like a real grandmother to me. I loved her with all of my heart and her family too. Everybody knows that Brandon is just like my brother and I love their entire family. Sometimes, I love them more than my own - ha! Ha! But anyway, loosing Maw-Maw has been hard. She was convinced that God was going to heal her - she had more faith than anybody I have ever known. But in a way, he did heal her. She is dancing down streets of gold, singing "HOLY! HOLY! HOLY" (Revelation Song was her favorite praise and worship song) and she has already got to meet Jesus face to face. Wow! She has seen Jesus face to face!!! And yes, she was ready. She and Brandon are, well, were, the only two saved on that side of the family. Out of about fifty people, those two were the only ones.
Anyway, tomorrow is the memorial service (they creamated her) and I am dreading it. Not only because that reminds us all that she is gone but I have to sing and do a drama. Like I said earlier, her favorite praise and worship song was "Revelation Song" so, I am singing that. Her favorite hymn was "I Have Somebody with Me" (313 in the red back, ha! Ha!) so we are singing it congregation style I believe. I am not really sure. The family wanted Brandon and I to do "Now Behold the Lamb" because that was her favorite drama but Brandon said there was no way he could do it, and really, I don't know if I could have done it with him or not. The last service she was in (which was last Sunday night) I did my newest drama and Denise (Brandon's mom) said she loved it. "I Bowed On My Knees" by the Gaither Vocal Band is one of my all time favorite songs and from what they said, she loved it so I am doing it. It's going to be hard...I didn't want to sing but oh well. Mom has to do worse than that, she has to talk!!!! Ha!
So keep us in your prayers and Brandon's family as well. Cheryl (Maw-Maw) was the bomb and we are all going to miss her! Maybe this will lead her children to the Lord. Much love and many blessings!!!! Amber =)
Sunday morning, Pastor Lonnie told me to let the kids stay out in service because we were having our special Independence Day service. Brandon and I went out and sat towards the middle of the church - the first time ever we haven't sat on the front row - and I am so glad we did. It would've been a lot more emotional for me if I had been closer but anyway, there is no point to that.
Brother Mike Powell is a Sargent in the army and he brought the word to us Sunday morning and it was a great word. It was kind of like a History lesson therefore, I loved it! He told about all the wars the United States has ever been involved in and gave the number of deaths in each war. I can't remember all of those numbers, even though I am sure I could go find my 9th grade History book somewhere and tell everyone but, I don't want to!!! LoL! Anyway...
...Brother Mike showed a slideshow of pictures he had taken while he was on duty over in Iraq back in 2004. It was very emotional for me, to see those pictures of all of those guys over there. When Jeremy told that Brother Mike (who is his father-in-law) might be having to go back over seas soon, it really hit me. Bam! I am going to know someone over there, fighting. Fighting for my freedom here.
Then that's when reality hit me upside the head. There are thousands of men and women over in Iraq, Afganistan, Iran and other countries that are fighting for MY freedom all the way across the pond here in the States. WOW! Thousands and thousands of men and women, who have NO IDEA who Amber Smith is are fighting for her (my) freedom. They are risking their lives, they could be killed, because they want to keep our freedom here. Do people really realize that? I mean, come on, I am eightteen-years-old and it took me seven years to realize what all of those people are actually doing over there. Wow.
They are some brave people, I know I could never do that. I know, that sounds bad, me being a Christian and all but I could never fight for millions of people I did not know, and possibly loosing my life for them.
Now giving my life for the people I love, the people I am closest to is different but MILLIONS of people I do not know...I know for a FACT I could not do that.
It really blows my mind how our soldiers can do it. They are fighting for me to be able to get in my car and drive to church (25 minutes away) every Sunday morning and every Wednesday night. They are fighting for me to be able to buy my Denise Hildreth books and Jonathan Pierce CDs on eBay or Amazon or wherever I buy them. They are fighting for me to be able to pray and read my Bible every day. I mean, wow! Have you really thought about it?
I think I am done rambling about this, I was going to write about it yesterday but Brandon's grandmother passed away (cancer) and we a lot going on trying to get stuff ready for the church to fix food and all. Her memorial service is tomorrow, here at the church and I can tell you, it's going to be tough. Maw-Maw was just like a real grandmother to me. I loved her with all of my heart and her family too. Everybody knows that Brandon is just like my brother and I love their entire family. Sometimes, I love them more than my own - ha! Ha! But anyway, loosing Maw-Maw has been hard. She was convinced that God was going to heal her - she had more faith than anybody I have ever known. But in a way, he did heal her. She is dancing down streets of gold, singing "HOLY! HOLY! HOLY" (Revelation Song was her favorite praise and worship song) and she has already got to meet Jesus face to face. Wow! She has seen Jesus face to face!!! And yes, she was ready. She and Brandon are, well, were, the only two saved on that side of the family. Out of about fifty people, those two were the only ones.
Anyway, tomorrow is the memorial service (they creamated her) and I am dreading it. Not only because that reminds us all that she is gone but I have to sing and do a drama. Like I said earlier, her favorite praise and worship song was "Revelation Song" so, I am singing that. Her favorite hymn was "I Have Somebody with Me" (313 in the red back, ha! Ha!) so we are singing it congregation style I believe. I am not really sure. The family wanted Brandon and I to do "Now Behold the Lamb" because that was her favorite drama but Brandon said there was no way he could do it, and really, I don't know if I could have done it with him or not. The last service she was in (which was last Sunday night) I did my newest drama and Denise (Brandon's mom) said she loved it. "I Bowed On My Knees" by the Gaither Vocal Band is one of my all time favorite songs and from what they said, she loved it so I am doing it. It's going to be hard...I didn't want to sing but oh well. Mom has to do worse than that, she has to talk!!!! Ha!
So keep us in your prayers and Brandon's family as well. Cheryl (Maw-Maw) was the bomb and we are all going to miss her! Maybe this will lead her children to the Lord. Much love and many blessings!!!! Amber =)
Friday, July 4, 2008
it goes to show you never know when everything’s about to change
I am so proud of my girlfriend, Nicole Pomarico right now. Her dreams are coming true and here is the blog that told the world (not that, thanks to bulletins, we didn't already know). This is her blog...
It happened in the space of about 48 hours. Night one: Stacey comes up with a brilliant idea to start a campaign to get me on a talk show so that I get noticed by a publisher. Following afternoon: I post a bulletin about said campaign and Brooke texts me telling me her dad is a producer for Good Morning America. Next afternoon: I receive the news that I'm going to be on the show... and oh yeah, by the way, they found me a publisher.One dream come true on a silver platter coming right up.I'm not sure if I'm more shocked or maybe not at all surprised; if I'm more excited or more scared. When you truly believe in yourself and you want something with all your heart, in a way you know if you keep wanting it so intensely, someday, it'll come to you when combined with a little luck and a little bit more hard work. And that's how it happened to me. I've expected this; I've known that one day I would be a real writer with a published book, speaking about it and changing lives on national television. It's never been a question, I've never needed a back up plan.But still, imagine wanting something so badly it hurts since the very first time you picked up a pencil. Since three years old, when you started making up stories to give to your mom. Through fourth grade, when you completed your very first book (although not quite suitable for the public). Since seventh grade, the first time you ever picked up the Princess Diaries and the want to affect people the way you've been affected through writing became a need. Since you were sixteen and took your first creative writing class and received a 100 on everything you turned in. Since your eighteenth birthday, the day you finished writing the book that you've believed in so much that it's the one you're sending off into the world to speak for you to all those girls you desperately want to prevent from spending their teenage years feeling alone the way you did.And then it happens. In the blink of an eye you've got it.It's just like, "wait a minute. Is this actually happening to me?"But in a few months I'm going to be sitting in that studio, hair and make up professionally done, presenting myself and my ideas and, essentially, my heart and soul to the entire country for the first time. And then I'm going to walk out of that studio, and do you know who I'll be faced with? Nearly every single person I've been friends with for as long as two or three years ago whose friendship with me has survived the thousands of miles long distance will be out there waiting for me and FINALLY I get to meet the people responsible for keeping my heart beating, keeping me going, cheering me on.My best friend will be there. My little sister. My favorite person in the whole world. FINALLY I get to meet Stacey. I know most of you know how close we are and how we talk constantly. We don't just say we're sisters. I truly believe it was some cosmic error to blame for us not being born to the same family. I think seeing her might top GMA.Oh, and I get to be in New York City. You know, I've got a giant poster of New York hanging in my bedroom. "To keep your dreams alive," my mom told me when she bought it for me. It's the place I've always wanted to live. The home of publishing houses and magazine offices. Designer shoes and bright lights and fabulous Chinese food. My first time in the city, my first time on national television, my first time being with the people to whom my heart belongs.It's going to be a BIG trip.And that's just the beginning.The fact that my book's getting published? COMPLETELY blows my mind. ENTIRELY. Holy cow. It hasn't even registered with me yet.I'm completely overwhelmed with all the changes that are going to be taking place in my life so quickly. I don't feel completely ready for them, but I know that's the nerves and the fear and the uncertainty talking; I've been ready for this my whole life. This is my last year and possibly last semester of college before I'll have to start traveling to promote my book, depending on how long the publishing process ends up taking. Fortunately Morgan's going to home school and travel with me so I'll have some company when my mom can't go with me.Because I'm not letting my mom go everywhere with me. I'm somewhat attached to my mommy, despite how much I complain about her, and I'd love it if she could go everywhere with me, but she can't. It'd disrupt my sister, Jessie's, life way too much not to have my mom around. Plus, I'm a big girl. And Morgan has a lot of travel experience. We can make it on our own. =)Anyway, I'm going to update this regularly so everyone can follow my dream from Atlanta to New York and everywhere in between.I hope you guys enjoy, and one more time thank you so much for standing by me and supporting me and for telling me that this would happen for me one day on the days I felt discouraged. YOU WERE RIGHT and I can't thank you enough. I love love love love all of you. xoxoxoxoxo
I am sitting here, talking to Sali (my cousin), we have been talking for almost three hours straight on AIM. For the last, fourty minutes or so, I have been listening to my new (old) Jonathan Pierce CD that I got in the mail today that I bought off eBay. It's his first solo project - "Two Hearts" and so far I love it. It's from 1995 - yeah - the music sounds old school. LOL! I hated reading his thank yous to Denise. I almost lost it...again.
People who know me, know that I DO NOT cry but for some reason, this week, I have just wanted to cry non-stop from Denise Hildreth and Jonathan Pierce. I don't know, weird. But anyway...pray for Nicole and continue to pray for Denise and Jonathan. I just had to post Nicole's blog because I am so proud of her and can't wait to see what's going to come out of all of this!!!
Much love & blessings!!
Amber =)
It happened in the space of about 48 hours. Night one: Stacey comes up with a brilliant idea to start a campaign to get me on a talk show so that I get noticed by a publisher. Following afternoon: I post a bulletin about said campaign and Brooke texts me telling me her dad is a producer for Good Morning America. Next afternoon: I receive the news that I'm going to be on the show... and oh yeah, by the way, they found me a publisher.One dream come true on a silver platter coming right up.I'm not sure if I'm more shocked or maybe not at all surprised; if I'm more excited or more scared. When you truly believe in yourself and you want something with all your heart, in a way you know if you keep wanting it so intensely, someday, it'll come to you when combined with a little luck and a little bit more hard work. And that's how it happened to me. I've expected this; I've known that one day I would be a real writer with a published book, speaking about it and changing lives on national television. It's never been a question, I've never needed a back up plan.But still, imagine wanting something so badly it hurts since the very first time you picked up a pencil. Since three years old, when you started making up stories to give to your mom. Through fourth grade, when you completed your very first book (although not quite suitable for the public). Since seventh grade, the first time you ever picked up the Princess Diaries and the want to affect people the way you've been affected through writing became a need. Since you were sixteen and took your first creative writing class and received a 100 on everything you turned in. Since your eighteenth birthday, the day you finished writing the book that you've believed in so much that it's the one you're sending off into the world to speak for you to all those girls you desperately want to prevent from spending their teenage years feeling alone the way you did.And then it happens. In the blink of an eye you've got it.It's just like, "wait a minute. Is this actually happening to me?"But in a few months I'm going to be sitting in that studio, hair and make up professionally done, presenting myself and my ideas and, essentially, my heart and soul to the entire country for the first time. And then I'm going to walk out of that studio, and do you know who I'll be faced with? Nearly every single person I've been friends with for as long as two or three years ago whose friendship with me has survived the thousands of miles long distance will be out there waiting for me and FINALLY I get to meet the people responsible for keeping my heart beating, keeping me going, cheering me on.My best friend will be there. My little sister. My favorite person in the whole world. FINALLY I get to meet Stacey. I know most of you know how close we are and how we talk constantly. We don't just say we're sisters. I truly believe it was some cosmic error to blame for us not being born to the same family. I think seeing her might top GMA.Oh, and I get to be in New York City. You know, I've got a giant poster of New York hanging in my bedroom. "To keep your dreams alive," my mom told me when she bought it for me. It's the place I've always wanted to live. The home of publishing houses and magazine offices. Designer shoes and bright lights and fabulous Chinese food. My first time in the city, my first time on national television, my first time being with the people to whom my heart belongs.It's going to be a BIG trip.And that's just the beginning.The fact that my book's getting published? COMPLETELY blows my mind. ENTIRELY. Holy cow. It hasn't even registered with me yet.I'm completely overwhelmed with all the changes that are going to be taking place in my life so quickly. I don't feel completely ready for them, but I know that's the nerves and the fear and the uncertainty talking; I've been ready for this my whole life. This is my last year and possibly last semester of college before I'll have to start traveling to promote my book, depending on how long the publishing process ends up taking. Fortunately Morgan's going to home school and travel with me so I'll have some company when my mom can't go with me.Because I'm not letting my mom go everywhere with me. I'm somewhat attached to my mommy, despite how much I complain about her, and I'd love it if she could go everywhere with me, but she can't. It'd disrupt my sister, Jessie's, life way too much not to have my mom around. Plus, I'm a big girl. And Morgan has a lot of travel experience. We can make it on our own. =)Anyway, I'm going to update this regularly so everyone can follow my dream from Atlanta to New York and everywhere in between.I hope you guys enjoy, and one more time thank you so much for standing by me and supporting me and for telling me that this would happen for me one day on the days I felt discouraged. YOU WERE RIGHT and I can't thank you enough. I love love love love all of you. xoxoxoxoxo
I am sitting here, talking to Sali (my cousin), we have been talking for almost three hours straight on AIM. For the last, fourty minutes or so, I have been listening to my new (old) Jonathan Pierce CD that I got in the mail today that I bought off eBay. It's his first solo project - "Two Hearts" and so far I love it. It's from 1995 - yeah - the music sounds old school. LOL! I hated reading his thank yous to Denise. I almost lost it...again.
People who know me, know that I DO NOT cry but for some reason, this week, I have just wanted to cry non-stop from Denise Hildreth and Jonathan Pierce. I don't know, weird. But anyway...pray for Nicole and continue to pray for Denise and Jonathan. I just had to post Nicole's blog because I am so proud of her and can't wait to see what's going to come out of all of this!!!
Much love & blessings!!
Amber =)
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Denise Hildreth...
...is now one of my favorite authors. I discovered her not only by one of my other favorite Christian authors, Robin Jones Gunn, but I got to looking at something about Jonathan Pierce and come to find out, that's his wife. Sadly, I found out that Denise and Jonathan divorced last year. It really upset me because they had been married since 1994. I was looking at an old interview with Denise earlier (I think it was from about 2005 or 2006) and it really upset me. I was on the brink of tears and all I could do was pray for the two of them. I have no idea why they divorced and really, it's none of my business and don't care (well I do care but you know what I mean) but when I found this from this interview, it really hurt me on the inside...
Question - "You've said that you wrote Savannah from Savannah during one of the darkest times of your life. Your husband, Jonathan, has also mentioned the storms you two have experienced. Some of our readers may be going through difficult times of their own right now, either personally, or in their marriages. What advice would you give couples trying to stay in love through the dark storms of life?"
Answer - "You know, when Jonathan and I finally faced the elephants in the room, I knew a few things. I knew first that this was the man God made for me. And if I hadn't thought it before I married him, it became true the day I married him. God had also spoken a promise in my heart that I was not to give up on the brink of my miracle. That miracle for me was a whole marriage. I held onto that hope. Even when everything was telling me our marriage wouldn't last, I knew it would. I also made the decision that in light of eternity, the situation in my marriage was a temporal issue. So, I surrounded myself with people that spoke life. And closed out every voice that would try to speak death over my home. And then I held on for the roller coaster ride. And a roller coaster ride it was. But do you know what? Today, a little over two years after we renewed our marriage vows, I have a beautiful marriage. A marriage I fought nine years to have. So my words to those feeling lost or hopeless, or just plain tired…hold on. God isn't out of touch with your situation. He is faithful to perfect all that concerns you. And you are not to throw away your confidence because it will be richly rewarded. If you persevere in doing the will of God then you will receive all that He has promised."
This really upset me and hurt me down deep. After spending thirteen years of your life with somebody, and knowing they are the one and then bam! Divorce. It kills me that my new favorite author and my favorite male singer since I was like, six, are no more. It's really sad.
I just had to write about this situation, and ask you all to pray for Denise and Jonathan. I have no idea where they are right now, or what they are going through, but pray for them.
I just had to obey my heart and God. Much love and blessings! Amber =)
Question - "You've said that you wrote Savannah from Savannah during one of the darkest times of your life. Your husband, Jonathan, has also mentioned the storms you two have experienced. Some of our readers may be going through difficult times of their own right now, either personally, or in their marriages. What advice would you give couples trying to stay in love through the dark storms of life?"
Answer - "You know, when Jonathan and I finally faced the elephants in the room, I knew a few things. I knew first that this was the man God made for me. And if I hadn't thought it before I married him, it became true the day I married him. God had also spoken a promise in my heart that I was not to give up on the brink of my miracle. That miracle for me was a whole marriage. I held onto that hope. Even when everything was telling me our marriage wouldn't last, I knew it would. I also made the decision that in light of eternity, the situation in my marriage was a temporal issue. So, I surrounded myself with people that spoke life. And closed out every voice that would try to speak death over my home. And then I held on for the roller coaster ride. And a roller coaster ride it was. But do you know what? Today, a little over two years after we renewed our marriage vows, I have a beautiful marriage. A marriage I fought nine years to have. So my words to those feeling lost or hopeless, or just plain tired…hold on. God isn't out of touch with your situation. He is faithful to perfect all that concerns you. And you are not to throw away your confidence because it will be richly rewarded. If you persevere in doing the will of God then you will receive all that He has promised."
This really upset me and hurt me down deep. After spending thirteen years of your life with somebody, and knowing they are the one and then bam! Divorce. It kills me that my new favorite author and my favorite male singer since I was like, six, are no more. It's really sad.
I just had to write about this situation, and ask you all to pray for Denise and Jonathan. I have no idea where they are right now, or what they are going through, but pray for them.
I just had to obey my heart and God. Much love and blessings! Amber =)
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