Monday, August 25, 2008
Confused.
Sometimes I don't understand how those of us who are supposed to be setting an example, end up sometimes being like those in the world. I guess when I moved to college a couple of weeks ago, I assumed some things would be different. Was I naive to think that being at a Christian College some things would be different? I guess we have all these expectations of how we "think" people are suppose to act, male and female, and when we come to see they are only human, it can be devasting. I'm not saying I am perfect, but why do so many people worry about dating like they do? Some of us get caught up in "the dating scene" or having a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" and loose our focus of what we are suppose to be doing. I am seeing this happens everywhere, college, church, youth camp, the list goes on. I know some of my friends, have wasted so much time dating, breaking up, dating, breaking up and so the cycle goes. Many end up broken hearted and feel they can't go on and during this cycle, it seems their true friends are put on the shelf until the next break up. I now that I have a lot of growing and maturing to do myself, but I know that God can send the one to us, when we need them. We dont' have to be in a hurry. The "One" will be worth waiting for!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
A word most people are scared of.
Change!
Oh but how I have been enjoying the change in my life this year! Most of it anyway.
At the beginning of this year, I posted a blog about how some things were going to change. Boy did I sooo not know what actually was going to change.
I've said goodbye to friends and I've said goodbye to family. I lost my great-aunt Gloria back in April/May and that was extremely hard because it all happened in under a week. She went into the hospital on like, Tuesday or Wednesday and was gone on Thursday. Aunt Glo always supported me and my drama ministry. A lot of the time she would say, "I only came to church tonight to see you do drama so it better be good." And everytime, she'd say, "That was amazing." I miss her. Seeing uncle Buddy is weird without her but he still supports me.
In March, I left mom and dads at Harmony and went to The Sanctuary in Albertville, Alabama as the Children's Pastor. I never planned to work with kids but God sent me there and I loved my five months there (I turned in my notice at the beginning of July and my last service was the last Wednesday night of July) and cannot wait to get back one Sunday to visit and see my kids. I changed a lot while I was there. If not through turns of events there, through things at my parents church or just personal experiences.
In April, I lost one of the bestest friends I ever had. Well, maybe they weren't as 'best' as I thought because of the things they were doing behind my back but it was a hard time in my life. I still can't believe what this person did. Losing this friend is still something I am getting used to. Sometimes when something happens with a certain person or two, I want to call 'em up and tell 'em all about it but I can't. And that's still hard. It was such a habit I guess. With their departure, God sent my old friend Holli back into my life and I must say that I love her more today than I did two years ago.
In May, I re-discovered the Gaither Vocal Band and haven't stopped listening to them since. Since I turned twelve or thirteen I had been dead set against Southern Gospel music (with the exception of The Martin's of course) and wouldn't touch it. Well, God has totally changed my heart about it and since I saw "Back Home in Indiana" on APT, I haven't been the same music addict. I assume it reminds me of my childhood days and the awesome 90s! You can learn harmonies so easily by listening to Southern Gospel music especially GVB and The Martin's. I know, I am crazy and people are so amazed when I tell them what I listen to here lately but I can't help it. I've always been very eclectic with my music and this proves it.
Because my favorite GVB comes from the 90s (Bill Gaither, Mark Lowry, Jonathan Pierce and Guy Penrod [1995-1997]) that helped me re-discover my favorite male artist from my childhood as well...Jonathan Pierce. Yeah, he was my favorite - still is.
Re-discovering GVB and Jonathan Pierce led me to find my new favorite author - Denise Hildreth. She has written five books and I have completed two of them. I am in the middle of one and I must say, they are the best books I have ever read. Her first book was the beginning of a series (in which I hope she writes more of) "Savannah from Savannah". That was followed by "Savannah Comes Undone" (which I am currently reading) and "Savannah By the Sea". "Flies on the Butter" was the first book I read by her and it's an amazing book. I couldn't put it down. Unfortunately, the last two books of hers I have read, I haven't had the pleasure of just sitting around reading so I am still working on one of them. The Will of Wisteria came out last October and I cannot wait to read it! Oh, you must be wondering how GVB and Jonathan Pierce led to Denise Hildreth. Check out past blogs. I am not sure which entry exactly but I think it's the blog entitled "Denise Hildreth". Anyway, she's an amazing woman of God and speaking with her the few times I have has been a true priviledge. Not many authors would reply to your emails let alone remember you when speak with them again. I advise you check out her books. Go check out her blog as well; it's amazing! www.denisehildreth.blogspot.com
In July, I changed a lot about myself. I changed the way I care about what people think of me and I changed the way I dress (somewhat). I have a blog about this as well, if you would like to read it.
I decided that when I get ready to go somewhere, I am going to wear what I want. If I don't feel like dressing up, I won't. If I feel like dressing up, I will. If people make comments I am going to say, "Only I would, right?" and keep on going. On Friday of tax free weekend, I was at American Eagle stocking up and then right after that, I was in Finish Line buying a pair of Chuck Taylors. Only I would go from polos to Chuck Taylors. Right? LOL! I wore my Chuck Taylors with a skirt the other day and it was cute. If Miley Cyrus can do it, so can I.
Yesterday, something major changed in my life.
I moved out.
Yup. I moved out of Bill and Cindy's crib and am in the dorms at (the wonderful) Southeastern Bible College!!!! That's got to be the biggest change in my life so far this year. Dad is an emotional wreck (naturally) and mom is just a wreck. LOL! I'll be home some on the weekends (especially when dance starts up the second week of September) and dad is going to come take me to lunch every Tuesday when he is down for school. It's not like I have just vanished into thin air - I guess.
I know God is going to change a lot more in me, about me and around me before this year is over and I am fine with it. I want everything He wants for my life. I may not know what all that is (which is scary) but I have come to the point that it's all about Him and really, it doesn't matter about me. He knows what I want and if He thinks I need it, He'll give it to me. It's all about Him!
I love you guys, thanks for reading! Please comment. I would love to hear about some things God is changing in your lives!
Much love and many blessings,
Amber =)
P.S. Something else that has changed about me this year...my obsession with Zac Efron. Everybody should be proud of me. I currently don't have an obsession. I do love those Jonas Brothers though!!! But I'm not obessed.
Oh but how I have been enjoying the change in my life this year! Most of it anyway.
At the beginning of this year, I posted a blog about how some things were going to change. Boy did I sooo not know what actually was going to change.
I've said goodbye to friends and I've said goodbye to family. I lost my great-aunt Gloria back in April/May and that was extremely hard because it all happened in under a week. She went into the hospital on like, Tuesday or Wednesday and was gone on Thursday. Aunt Glo always supported me and my drama ministry. A lot of the time she would say, "I only came to church tonight to see you do drama so it better be good." And everytime, she'd say, "That was amazing." I miss her. Seeing uncle Buddy is weird without her but he still supports me.
In March, I left mom and dads at Harmony and went to The Sanctuary in Albertville, Alabama as the Children's Pastor. I never planned to work with kids but God sent me there and I loved my five months there (I turned in my notice at the beginning of July and my last service was the last Wednesday night of July) and cannot wait to get back one Sunday to visit and see my kids. I changed a lot while I was there. If not through turns of events there, through things at my parents church or just personal experiences.
In April, I lost one of the bestest friends I ever had. Well, maybe they weren't as 'best' as I thought because of the things they were doing behind my back but it was a hard time in my life. I still can't believe what this person did. Losing this friend is still something I am getting used to. Sometimes when something happens with a certain person or two, I want to call 'em up and tell 'em all about it but I can't. And that's still hard. It was such a habit I guess. With their departure, God sent my old friend Holli back into my life and I must say that I love her more today than I did two years ago.
In May, I re-discovered the Gaither Vocal Band and haven't stopped listening to them since. Since I turned twelve or thirteen I had been dead set against Southern Gospel music (with the exception of The Martin's of course) and wouldn't touch it. Well, God has totally changed my heart about it and since I saw "Back Home in Indiana" on APT, I haven't been the same music addict. I assume it reminds me of my childhood days and the awesome 90s! You can learn harmonies so easily by listening to Southern Gospel music especially GVB and The Martin's. I know, I am crazy and people are so amazed when I tell them what I listen to here lately but I can't help it. I've always been very eclectic with my music and this proves it.
Because my favorite GVB comes from the 90s (Bill Gaither, Mark Lowry, Jonathan Pierce and Guy Penrod [1995-1997]) that helped me re-discover my favorite male artist from my childhood as well...Jonathan Pierce. Yeah, he was my favorite - still is.
Re-discovering GVB and Jonathan Pierce led me to find my new favorite author - Denise Hildreth. She has written five books and I have completed two of them. I am in the middle of one and I must say, they are the best books I have ever read. Her first book was the beginning of a series (in which I hope she writes more of) "Savannah from Savannah". That was followed by "Savannah Comes Undone" (which I am currently reading) and "Savannah By the Sea". "Flies on the Butter" was the first book I read by her and it's an amazing book. I couldn't put it down. Unfortunately, the last two books of hers I have read, I haven't had the pleasure of just sitting around reading so I am still working on one of them. The Will of Wisteria came out last October and I cannot wait to read it! Oh, you must be wondering how GVB and Jonathan Pierce led to Denise Hildreth. Check out past blogs. I am not sure which entry exactly but I think it's the blog entitled "Denise Hildreth". Anyway, she's an amazing woman of God and speaking with her the few times I have has been a true priviledge. Not many authors would reply to your emails let alone remember you when speak with them again. I advise you check out her books. Go check out her blog as well; it's amazing! www.denisehildreth.blogspot.com
In July, I changed a lot about myself. I changed the way I care about what people think of me and I changed the way I dress (somewhat). I have a blog about this as well, if you would like to read it.
I decided that when I get ready to go somewhere, I am going to wear what I want. If I don't feel like dressing up, I won't. If I feel like dressing up, I will. If people make comments I am going to say, "Only I would, right?" and keep on going. On Friday of tax free weekend, I was at American Eagle stocking up and then right after that, I was in Finish Line buying a pair of Chuck Taylors. Only I would go from polos to Chuck Taylors. Right? LOL! I wore my Chuck Taylors with a skirt the other day and it was cute. If Miley Cyrus can do it, so can I.
Yesterday, something major changed in my life.
I moved out.
Yup. I moved out of Bill and Cindy's crib and am in the dorms at (the wonderful) Southeastern Bible College!!!! That's got to be the biggest change in my life so far this year. Dad is an emotional wreck (naturally) and mom is just a wreck. LOL! I'll be home some on the weekends (especially when dance starts up the second week of September) and dad is going to come take me to lunch every Tuesday when he is down for school. It's not like I have just vanished into thin air - I guess.
I know God is going to change a lot more in me, about me and around me before this year is over and I am fine with it. I want everything He wants for my life. I may not know what all that is (which is scary) but I have come to the point that it's all about Him and really, it doesn't matter about me. He knows what I want and if He thinks I need it, He'll give it to me. It's all about Him!
I love you guys, thanks for reading! Please comment. I would love to hear about some things God is changing in your lives!
Much love and many blessings,
Amber =)
P.S. Something else that has changed about me this year...my obsession with Zac Efron. Everybody should be proud of me. I currently don't have an obsession. I do love those Jonas Brothers though!!! But I'm not obessed.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
SEBC here I come!!!
At the beginning of this year I said some things were going to change but I had no idea what one of those things would be.
A couple of months ago, one of my friends had the "discussion" with me.
If you don't know me well enough to know what the "discussion" is, that's where we talk about me moving out of my mom and dad's house.
After that conversation, I contacted the Dean of Students at SEBC and we talked about it for a day then, the subject was closed.
Well, last week, I had three different people who didn't know each other, talk to me about moving into the dorms at the school. I had been praying that God would do something and then here we go with people bugging me about moving into the dorms at school.
I ignored it all until Tuesday and I knew I had to talk to my mom about moving. I couldn't sleep and all I could do was think about talking to mom about it because I knew I would have to talk to her about it before dad.
Wednesday afternoon, I finally worked up the nerve and she said I'd have to talk to dad. So I did and it became (almost) official that I would be moving Friday the 15th! I talked with the Dean of Students and single rooms were still available. Eventually, it became official and Friday the 15th I am moving into my own dorm room at SEBC!!! I am really excited and have bought almost everything I need.
Wal-Mart experienced Amber Smith in a way like never before yesterday!!!
But here is how awesome God is!!!
The Financial Aid lady, Anne, called today and I am getting a $2000 scholarship!!! Plus my grant money is way more than usual!!! The school gave me a $2000 scholarship!!! I had no idea I was eligible but GOD MOVED AND I AM GETTING $2000 bucks that I had no idea I could get!!!
I told mom and dad when they said, "there is no way we can afford this" that God would make a way. If He can feed the birds everyday, he can pay my way through school!!! When mom told me about the scholarship I went running through the house screaming because God is so awesome!!!
My room is going to be pink and black with dance and music stuff and my bathroom is going to be lime green and black. It will match my luggage!!! I move in Friday and won't be home until the following Friday. Next weekend I am going to try and go to church with my dad's cousin who lives down on 280 somewhere (which is down from the school).
I have added 6 hours to the 6 hour schedule I already had, so I will now have 12. I am totally excited and can't wait to see what God is going to do!!! Mom and dad are not too excited, especially dad. We made all these plans and have done more than half of my shopping and dad has never seen our dorms.
Everyone please pray for me. I am totally excited. My girlfriends Kristin and Dana have been a huge help already and I can't wait to get there!! I can't wait for God to do whatever He is planning on doing!
Much love and many blessings,
Amber
A couple of months ago, one of my friends had the "discussion" with me.
If you don't know me well enough to know what the "discussion" is, that's where we talk about me moving out of my mom and dad's house.
After that conversation, I contacted the Dean of Students at SEBC and we talked about it for a day then, the subject was closed.
Well, last week, I had three different people who didn't know each other, talk to me about moving into the dorms at the school. I had been praying that God would do something and then here we go with people bugging me about moving into the dorms at school.
I ignored it all until Tuesday and I knew I had to talk to my mom about moving. I couldn't sleep and all I could do was think about talking to mom about it because I knew I would have to talk to her about it before dad.
Wednesday afternoon, I finally worked up the nerve and she said I'd have to talk to dad. So I did and it became (almost) official that I would be moving Friday the 15th! I talked with the Dean of Students and single rooms were still available. Eventually, it became official and Friday the 15th I am moving into my own dorm room at SEBC!!! I am really excited and have bought almost everything I need.
Wal-Mart experienced Amber Smith in a way like never before yesterday!!!
But here is how awesome God is!!!
The Financial Aid lady, Anne, called today and I am getting a $2000 scholarship!!! Plus my grant money is way more than usual!!! The school gave me a $2000 scholarship!!! I had no idea I was eligible but GOD MOVED AND I AM GETTING $2000 bucks that I had no idea I could get!!!
I told mom and dad when they said, "there is no way we can afford this" that God would make a way. If He can feed the birds everyday, he can pay my way through school!!! When mom told me about the scholarship I went running through the house screaming because God is so awesome!!!
My room is going to be pink and black with dance and music stuff and my bathroom is going to be lime green and black. It will match my luggage!!! I move in Friday and won't be home until the following Friday. Next weekend I am going to try and go to church with my dad's cousin who lives down on 280 somewhere (which is down from the school).
I have added 6 hours to the 6 hour schedule I already had, so I will now have 12. I am totally excited and can't wait to see what God is going to do!!! Mom and dad are not too excited, especially dad. We made all these plans and have done more than half of my shopping and dad has never seen our dorms.
Everyone please pray for me. I am totally excited. My girlfriends Kristin and Dana have been a huge help already and I can't wait to get there!! I can't wait for God to do whatever He is planning on doing!
Much love and many blessings,
Amber
Thursday, August 7, 2008
I recieved this via email yesterday.
This is an e-mail message from Beth Moore about hearing Kay Arthur speak and reveal prophecy. A worrisome message for sure. We should consider it carefully and prayerfully. This was re-published July 7, 2008, in the church newsletter of Valley View Church, Louisville, KY, and distributed.
Dear Ones,On June 27th and 28th I attended a conference in Atlanta called Deeper Still. I was one of three speakers the others being Kay Arthur and Priscilla Shirer. I looked forward to a special time of worship and having God convict me of my sins and lead me to areas in my life where I need to change. I have been to similar conferences for years, although none this large and with so many well-known speakers. There were over 20,000 women in attendance at the Phillips Arena in Atlanta - they said it was the largest crowd ever. I had an idea of what to expect from the conference, but nothing prepared me for what actually happened. I feel led to share my experience with family and friends. This is important, so stay with me!
When Kay Arthur took the stage you could just tell that her spirit was heavy and there was a certain 'heaviness' in the atmosphere even before she started to speak. She said that she had been literally physically sick to have to bring us this message and right out the gate she said, 'We are in grave danger.' She said that God had revealed to her that a literal famine is coming to America.. Physical, not spiritual. She said that God is moving in judgment against our nation. I know I can't describe this well enough, but the atmosphere was ominous. Kay is a seasoned speaker and she had to BATTLE to get through her message. She stumbled over scriptures and had an extremely difficult time. At times I was almost expecting her to collapse. At one point she just had to stop and pray. There was no person, myself included, that I could see who did not have tears streaming down their faces. As you may know, Kay Arthur is normally a very confident, composed speaker, but she was literally in a spiritual battle and it was taking place right before my eyes. I have never seen anything like it. She went on to give 7 things that Christians must do during this time and I am going to give those to you now:
1. Return to God. Jeremiah 4:3 - Break up the fallow ground - return to Me. Repent. Get on your face before God and ask him to break your heart with the things that break His heart.
2. Mourn. Jeremiah 9:17-18 and Ezekiel 9 - It is time to weep because our nation's sin is incredible.
3. Pray. Jeremiah 36:7 - Pray fervently, passionately for America.
4. Love God's Word. Jeremiah 20 - You MUST love the Word of God and be in the Word of God. I was particularly convicted here because I know I have not been as deeply in His Word as I need to be. She said we must get serious about this.
5. Love others as Jesus loved them. Jeremiah 31:3 and John 13:34.
6. Introduce people to Jesus Christ. It's time to get serious about this. This is no time for timidity. Jeremiah 31:31; Jeremiah 33:1-9, 15, 17.
7. Rest. If you will do these things, then rest in the fact that you have done God's will. She said that it is going to be vitally important for us to get enough physical rest. She went on to say that God has not given us a spirit of fear and that if we are obedient to Him, we will be protected. She said to read Ezekiel 14 over and over until you understand it. This is what God will do if a country turns against Him. She said that this is going to be a calamity (she used the word calamity in such a way that you knew this is going to be no small thing for our country), and gave many more scripture references, but what I have given you are the main points that she made.
I hope you know that I would not have sent this to you if I had not been profoundly affected by it and feel it is of great importance to share it. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope you will do with this information what you feel led by God to do.
Love in Christ Jesus, Beth
Dear Ones,On June 27th and 28th I attended a conference in Atlanta called Deeper Still. I was one of three speakers the others being Kay Arthur and Priscilla Shirer. I looked forward to a special time of worship and having God convict me of my sins and lead me to areas in my life where I need to change. I have been to similar conferences for years, although none this large and with so many well-known speakers. There were over 20,000 women in attendance at the Phillips Arena in Atlanta - they said it was the largest crowd ever. I had an idea of what to expect from the conference, but nothing prepared me for what actually happened. I feel led to share my experience with family and friends. This is important, so stay with me!
When Kay Arthur took the stage you could just tell that her spirit was heavy and there was a certain 'heaviness' in the atmosphere even before she started to speak. She said that she had been literally physically sick to have to bring us this message and right out the gate she said, 'We are in grave danger.' She said that God had revealed to her that a literal famine is coming to America.. Physical, not spiritual. She said that God is moving in judgment against our nation. I know I can't describe this well enough, but the atmosphere was ominous. Kay is a seasoned speaker and she had to BATTLE to get through her message. She stumbled over scriptures and had an extremely difficult time. At times I was almost expecting her to collapse. At one point she just had to stop and pray. There was no person, myself included, that I could see who did not have tears streaming down their faces. As you may know, Kay Arthur is normally a very confident, composed speaker, but she was literally in a spiritual battle and it was taking place right before my eyes. I have never seen anything like it. She went on to give 7 things that Christians must do during this time and I am going to give those to you now:
1. Return to God. Jeremiah 4:3 - Break up the fallow ground - return to Me. Repent. Get on your face before God and ask him to break your heart with the things that break His heart.
2. Mourn. Jeremiah 9:17-18 and Ezekiel 9 - It is time to weep because our nation's sin is incredible.
3. Pray. Jeremiah 36:7 - Pray fervently, passionately for America.
4. Love God's Word. Jeremiah 20 - You MUST love the Word of God and be in the Word of God. I was particularly convicted here because I know I have not been as deeply in His Word as I need to be. She said we must get serious about this.
5. Love others as Jesus loved them. Jeremiah 31:3 and John 13:34.
6. Introduce people to Jesus Christ. It's time to get serious about this. This is no time for timidity. Jeremiah 31:31; Jeremiah 33:1-9, 15, 17.
7. Rest. If you will do these things, then rest in the fact that you have done God's will. She said that it is going to be vitally important for us to get enough physical rest. She went on to say that God has not given us a spirit of fear and that if we are obedient to Him, we will be protected. She said to read Ezekiel 14 over and over until you understand it. This is what God will do if a country turns against Him. She said that this is going to be a calamity (she used the word calamity in such a way that you knew this is going to be no small thing for our country), and gave many more scripture references, but what I have given you are the main points that she made.
I hope you know that I would not have sent this to you if I had not been profoundly affected by it and feel it is of great importance to share it. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope you will do with this information what you feel led by God to do.
Love in Christ Jesus, Beth
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
My heart [updated].
So the last four blogs I posted were written by someone else. This one, is written by me from my heart.
I have been going through some things here recently within myself as well as my spiritual self and due to that, this has been my last week as Children's Pastor at The Sanctuary. I have stepped off in faith leaving The Sanctuary because really, I didn't want to. I just know, I have no idea what I am going to do (start working harder on my Mary Kay business I assume) but I know I am on the brink of something from God.
Two weeks ago, the Lord led me to fast. I am still awaiting the benefits of that fast but I have realized somethings have got to change (within me) and I have got to get rid of some junk before God will ever fulfill what He told me.
One of the things I have a problem with is my mouth (like you didn't already know that). I back talk my parents and can be very hateful at times. I don't mean to be hateful, it just comes out that way. And I am a big procrastinator. I get in trouble for those two things the most; my mouth and my procrastination skills. I need you guys to really pray for me. I have had "mouth" issues and "procrastination" issues since I became a teenager. I think that comes with the domain, seriously. But other than that, I am a perfectly good kid. I don't cause my parents problems and I love God more than anything.
Another thing I have a problem with is self-confidence. Now I will admit, I am vain. I get that from one of my mom's brothers; he is extremely vain! And he admits it which is the best part. All I have been through as a preacher's kid has really hurt not only my trust levels but my self-confidence. When things happen with church people or in the church, it really brings the self-confidence levels down. In one of the "divine pause" blogs, Denise Hildreth quotes T.D. Jakes (and adds her own words at the end) as once saying, "For people with exceptional callings, everything in their lives will be exceptional. Including their storms and their victories (and their divine pauses)."
Just to get off subject (of self-confidence) right here, I feel like I have truly been in a "pause" in my life. I just resigned from a totally cool job; being a Childrens Pastor. I got to teach the kids dramas and dances whenever I wanted. Total dream come true. Just teaching drama and dances but no, God was telling me I was through there and so, I listened and resigned but now, I have no where to go. I plan to keep attending dads church on Sunday nights with the occasional Sunday morning here and there just to help them out but the state I am in (spiritually) right now, I need to go somewhere that I can be fed (not saying I cannot be fed at Harmony...it's just complicated. It's a 'PK' thing that my PK friends should understand). When referring to "divine pauses", Denise Hildreth says, "Heaven ordains 'divine pauses' in our life to rid us of our arrogance. To remind us our real calling. Greatness is found in serving. Because heaven knows that pride destroys..." In this pause, I have been having to rejoice in victory with my friends (while awaiting my victory). Friends getting engaged, friends finding out they are pregnant, friends living their dreams. The "divine pause" blogs even talk about that but I am not going to continue quoting those blogs (even though I will continue talking about them because they have changed me). Where was I before I got off on "divine pause"?
Self-confidence! God allows us to go through storms (and/or pauses) to knock us down but it seems like some people never go through anything and they are so annoyingly (is that a word?) arrogant and prideful but one day, they will get the jack-down from God himself. Or even people who seem to go through stuff all the time and are still so arrogant. God is going to get across one day. Then you have people like me. We are going through something all the time and it seems like God is never going to let His glory shine through but oh how wrong we are when we think that! God and His amazing self are going to get all the glory one day! We may sit in a "pause" for years...just like Joseph...but when that pause is over and we are living our dreams, what a day that will be! Okay, that had NOTHING to do with the self-confidence but I really felt the Lord leading me to write that. I don't even know how to get back to self-confidence. Oh how I hate to be like my dad when he preaches and gets off the subject. LOL!
Self-confidence. Okay, let's try this again. I finally realized to make it where God wants me to make it, I need some self-confidence about myself. My friend Nicole (who I wrote about a few blogs back) needed some book help and I helped her out which meant reading her book. I read it in about two hours (grand total) and I was totally blown away. The last couple of chapters hit me upside the head with this whole self-confidence thing. As I was getting ready for bed that night, I was talking to God about how I wanted help with self-confidence in every area of my life. The way I present myself, when I talk to people, when I minister, EVERY area. I also wanted the confidence to be who I wanted to be; the person I know I am supposed to be. When I got all comfy in bed, I got a text message (from Tuesdai) that said, "You can't go wrong by being true to yourself. The real you, not the you everyone else wants you to be. That's where the good stuff begins." I was dumbfounded. I could not believe I had just recieved that text message. It kinda told me something, you know? It wasn't the first time Tuesdai had done that either. A couple of weeks ago I was going through some stuff and she sent me a text about Jesus being my Jehovah Nissi. I love when God does that. Just a while ago she sent me a text that told me to check out Proverbs 16:9 so I pulled out my Bible and checked it out. "In their hearts human beings plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps."
Is there anybody out there that gets tired of other men and women of God telling you how great the things are that God has for you and Him not actually showing/telling you?
I think once people get these sorts of things taken care of in their lives (mouth, procrasination, pride, ect.) God will begin showing you the stuff you need to know. Until then, enjoy the words God sends you in the other ways. Just remember, He is always there and He is always talking to you but sometimes, you don't hear Him.
I don't know...this is just some things that have been on my heart over the past couple of weeks. This blog may only help me but that's okay.
Much love and many blessings!!! Amber =)
I have been going through some things here recently within myself as well as my spiritual self and due to that, this has been my last week as Children's Pastor at The Sanctuary. I have stepped off in faith leaving The Sanctuary because really, I didn't want to. I just know, I have no idea what I am going to do (start working harder on my Mary Kay business I assume) but I know I am on the brink of something from God.
Two weeks ago, the Lord led me to fast. I am still awaiting the benefits of that fast but I have realized somethings have got to change (within me) and I have got to get rid of some junk before God will ever fulfill what He told me.
One of the things I have a problem with is my mouth (like you didn't already know that). I back talk my parents and can be very hateful at times. I don't mean to be hateful, it just comes out that way. And I am a big procrastinator. I get in trouble for those two things the most; my mouth and my procrastination skills. I need you guys to really pray for me. I have had "mouth" issues and "procrastination" issues since I became a teenager. I think that comes with the domain, seriously. But other than that, I am a perfectly good kid. I don't cause my parents problems and I love God more than anything.
Another thing I have a problem with is self-confidence. Now I will admit, I am vain. I get that from one of my mom's brothers; he is extremely vain! And he admits it which is the best part. All I have been through as a preacher's kid has really hurt not only my trust levels but my self-confidence. When things happen with church people or in the church, it really brings the self-confidence levels down. In one of the "divine pause" blogs, Denise Hildreth quotes T.D. Jakes (and adds her own words at the end) as once saying, "For people with exceptional callings, everything in their lives will be exceptional. Including their storms and their victories (and their divine pauses)."
Just to get off subject (of self-confidence) right here, I feel like I have truly been in a "pause" in my life. I just resigned from a totally cool job; being a Childrens Pastor. I got to teach the kids dramas and dances whenever I wanted. Total dream come true. Just teaching drama and dances but no, God was telling me I was through there and so, I listened and resigned but now, I have no where to go. I plan to keep attending dads church on Sunday nights with the occasional Sunday morning here and there just to help them out but the state I am in (spiritually) right now, I need to go somewhere that I can be fed (not saying I cannot be fed at Harmony...it's just complicated. It's a 'PK' thing that my PK friends should understand). When referring to "divine pauses", Denise Hildreth says, "Heaven ordains 'divine pauses' in our life to rid us of our arrogance. To remind us our real calling. Greatness is found in serving. Because heaven knows that pride destroys..." In this pause, I have been having to rejoice in victory with my friends (while awaiting my victory). Friends getting engaged, friends finding out they are pregnant, friends living their dreams. The "divine pause" blogs even talk about that but I am not going to continue quoting those blogs (even though I will continue talking about them because they have changed me). Where was I before I got off on "divine pause"?
Self-confidence! God allows us to go through storms (and/or pauses) to knock us down but it seems like some people never go through anything and they are so annoyingly (is that a word?) arrogant and prideful but one day, they will get the jack-down from God himself. Or even people who seem to go through stuff all the time and are still so arrogant. God is going to get across one day. Then you have people like me. We are going through something all the time and it seems like God is never going to let His glory shine through but oh how wrong we are when we think that! God and His amazing self are going to get all the glory one day! We may sit in a "pause" for years...just like Joseph...but when that pause is over and we are living our dreams, what a day that will be! Okay, that had NOTHING to do with the self-confidence but I really felt the Lord leading me to write that. I don't even know how to get back to self-confidence. Oh how I hate to be like my dad when he preaches and gets off the subject. LOL!
Self-confidence. Okay, let's try this again. I finally realized to make it where God wants me to make it, I need some self-confidence about myself. My friend Nicole (who I wrote about a few blogs back) needed some book help and I helped her out which meant reading her book. I read it in about two hours (grand total) and I was totally blown away. The last couple of chapters hit me upside the head with this whole self-confidence thing. As I was getting ready for bed that night, I was talking to God about how I wanted help with self-confidence in every area of my life. The way I present myself, when I talk to people, when I minister, EVERY area. I also wanted the confidence to be who I wanted to be; the person I know I am supposed to be. When I got all comfy in bed, I got a text message (from Tuesdai) that said, "You can't go wrong by being true to yourself. The real you, not the you everyone else wants you to be. That's where the good stuff begins." I was dumbfounded. I could not believe I had just recieved that text message. It kinda told me something, you know? It wasn't the first time Tuesdai had done that either. A couple of weeks ago I was going through some stuff and she sent me a text about Jesus being my Jehovah Nissi. I love when God does that. Just a while ago she sent me a text that told me to check out Proverbs 16:9 so I pulled out my Bible and checked it out. "In their hearts human beings plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps."
Is there anybody out there that gets tired of other men and women of God telling you how great the things are that God has for you and Him not actually showing/telling you?
I think once people get these sorts of things taken care of in their lives (mouth, procrasination, pride, ect.) God will begin showing you the stuff you need to know. Until then, enjoy the words God sends you in the other ways. Just remember, He is always there and He is always talking to you but sometimes, you don't hear Him.
I don't know...this is just some things that have been on my heart over the past couple of weeks. This blog may only help me but that's okay.
Much love and many blessings!!! Amber =)
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